How to best deal with tantrums?

When our son has a tantrum if he will not tell us whats wrong i just make sure hes safe walk away and let him have it out. Ive always found that if i stay there and try to make them stop or figure out whats wrong it gets worse not better so that is my way to deal with them and it usually only last about 2 minutes. So no i dont think their is any other way to deal with them. Sometimes if its minor i try distraction thats mostly when we cant do something right that moment but if hes all out i dont feed into it.

Most of our sons tantrums result from him being tired so i try to make sure hes not overly tired. But he has his moments where he throws himself down and thats the end of it and if i walk away and let him have it out he comes back to me calmed down....

My son is 14 months old and has been throwing a lot of temper tantrums and gets over them fairly well. I am not into the whole temper tantrum thing and I see how my two year old nephew is so I know first hand that I don't want to him have a melt down over a sweater that he doesn't want to wear, which normally takes my nephew 45 minutes to get over.

My son will sit there crying and babbling between sobs. I will look him dead in the eye and say "Are you done now so we can move onto something else" He stops completely and goes on about his day as if nothing ever happened. My goal is and foremost to get my son off a temper tantrum as quickly as possible without giving into whatever he wants that he can't have. I think what you are doing is perfect in my opinion.

What I do is ignore her (my 3 yr old) when she has a tantrum like that. There have been times where she's crying on the floor in the line at the grocery store, screaming for a candy bar, or a toy she saw. Lol, I feel so bad that she is bothering everyone and the employees and other parents give me a pity look, like "oh god, i'm so sorry, i understand," but I also understand everyone else who give me crazy looks for letting her writhe on the ground. But the best way to handle it is to ignore it. They will start to catch that making a big deal out of everything is not the way to handle things.

**josephine, your parenting styles don't apply to all kids. While that may work for your child, all children are different. When I try to calm my daughter during a tantrum she only screams louder and becomes more pissy. Would you prefer for me to give her attention when she does this and have her freak out and start to hit others??? Don't criticize me, you don't even know me, nor my child.

You're doing the right thing by ignoring him and sending him to his room. You can also try time out. It's a stage they just go through, so you probably can't diffuse them only because it's a learning stage for them: testing their boundaries. Just don't bribe him. For example, "I'll give you candy if you stop screaming." That'll be a disaster in the end. We've got a toddler in the family and experience tantrums on a regular basis. Good luck :)

The best thing you can do is what you're doing, and never give in to a tantrum.

Something else you can do is try to anticipate the tantrum. If your son is 1-2 years old, you may be able to distract him before the tantrum hits full force. Instead of going into battle mode (you vs. him), simply suggest another fun activity, snack, etc. (Asking my son if he wants to snuggle and read a book often helps him settle down more quickly.) If he's 3 or older, distraction is much harder, but it's still worth a try.

Another way to minimize tantrums is to make sure that your son isn't over-hungry, thirsty, or overtired. When you see him starting to get crabby, think about when he last ate, drank, or slept, and offer a snack or nap as needed.

It also helps to set expectations ahead of time. Often, tantrums happen because the child wasn't clear about what was going to happen. Some examples...

-- Before you go into a store, make sure he knows that you're not going to buy him any toys or treats, but that he can help you choose some fruit, cereal, and yogurt. (Children love to make their own decisions, and letting him choose red or green grapes, for example, is a great way to do that.)

-- Before you leave a playdate, the park, or someplace else that's fun, give him a 5-minute warning, then a 1-minute warning before you go. He won't get it the first time, but with enough repetition, he will. It may help to tell him what you'll do after you leave that fun activity, too. "When we get home, Mommy will play blocks with you, and then you can help me make dinner."

Finally, pick your battles. You have to decide which things are worth fighting over and which aren't. For example, it probably doesn't matter if he wears the green shirt he likes instead of the red one you picked out (even if the green one has a small stain on the front). I don't even force my kids to wear coats outside because I figure they'll realize soon enough that they need one if they're truly cold. (I do usually take their coats with us in the car or stroller, though, if we're going somewhere, just in case.) You can save your battles for more important things like enforcing rules about no hitting, telling him when to go to bed or come inside from playing, etc. You just have to think about which things are truly most important for you.

Hang in there! It does get better!

Sometimes I will give them an extra minute which helps them get used to the idea. An extra minute before bedtimes, an extra minute to hold something I don't want them to have. It works well half the time. My 20 month old sometimes will even hand me the item back before the minute. The other times I end up doing exactly what you are doing:)

I also use the "if you ask for the item one more time you won't get it the rest of the day or rest of the week" with my older child.

Nope, he'll learn his tantrum doesn't get him anywhere, so he'll eventually stop them! GOOD for you to NOT GIVE IN! I used to tell my kids the more you ask for things the less you'll get! That took care of the I want this and that at the store problem! I REFUSED to buy my kids something evey time we went to a store!

You ignore them, or toss him in his room. Never cave in.

Why would a mom IGNORE something their kid is doing wrong? If he's hitting his little sister, you going to ignore it? If he's coloring on the wall, you going to ignore it? No, you step in and stop it!!

You physically stop him and tell him NO. Loud and stern.

I'm so sick of the "soft parenting" now-a-days. Ignore them? Send them to their room (where all their toys are)? Yea, that will show them who's boss. You're the parent; you teach them what behavior is ok and not ok. You need to literally stop them.

And I don't mean hurt them when I say 'physically stop him'. I mean, if he's flailing his arms about, hold his arms down, look him straight in the face and say "NO!".

I know I know, it's so "taboo" to get physical with your kids today, even if it doesn't hurt them. Everyone says "ignore it" ..... pshhh. We need tougher parents. And I'm sure this is one no one will like - screaming toddler? Flick their teeth. Yep. Doesn't hurt one bit, but damn it's uncomfortable.

"What I do is ignore her (my 3 yr old) when she has a tantrum like that. There have been times where she's crying on the floor in the line at the grocery store, screaming" ...... ummm, does that not tell you something?