Religion in Relationships?

Question

My boyfriend is Christian and I am not religious. We have been getting very close (not sexually, emotionally) and things were going great. We were planning on moving in together and talking about marriage. Then he went away for a few days and when he came back he said that God had told him to slow things down so we should hold off on the moving in. I asked what had changed and he said that "fleshly needs" were no longer a big part of his life b/c he had removed all his sins. I told him I didn't know that that's all I was. He said nooo, I'm not just a fleshly sin but he's too tired to talk about it. We haven't broken up or anything but I just don't get it. Everything was going great and now we talk much less and things seem awkward. It's not like I was pressuring him to do things sexually I said I was fine without stuff like that. What's his problem? And maybe it's b/c I'm not religious, but I think that the reason he wants to slow things down isn t just b/c God "told him".

Ryan · Accepted Answer

Honestly, religion or not...you two need to talk about it and sort it out and if he won't talk about it, then just call it quits.

I'm very religious, but i would never leave my fiancee (who's hardly religious at all) just hanging like that. That's very rude and disrespectful. He needs to explain in depth where he's coming from and why he's making these decisions. If he cares about the relationship at all, he should be explaining and reassuring you.

Your boyfriend is religious and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It's a part of him and it should be respected. I do feel i can communicate with God through my prayers and i do feel that he has a plan for me, but i let my girlfriend in on all of these things and she respects where i'm coming from and understands that God is a very big part of my life. But like i said above, i take the time to explain everything to her. Your boyfriend is just going about things in the wrong way a little bit. Sit him down and ask him to explain.

RayBot · Answer

His problem is that his religious influencers, be they familiar or strictly papal, are telling him that sex before marriage is a sin and that living with you out of wedlock is a sin. WRONG!! The "God" that "told him" in this situation is his pastor or preacher or his parents. 

I am an agnostic - I believe in a higher power but I do not subscribe to any religion - so any other people who answer and say I'm godless or whatever can stick it. This is not the Dark Ages, this is the 21st century. Why wouldn't it be ok to live with the person you plan to marry? Wouldn't you want to know that you can live with the person compatibly for 6 or 12 months, or a couple of years before deciding that you're going to try to commit to spend the rest of your life with them? Wouldn't you want to know that they please you and you please them sexually and emotionally before you marry them? You'd be an idiot not to find these things out. 

And something that ticks me off about "religious" people is that they can get away with saying "god talks to me" and "god told me this or that" and it's a-ok. But if a homeless person or a manic street preacher is out telling everyone about what god told them, they're crazy and should be locked up! I gotta call BS on that one, sister. 

Sorry to pontificate on your question. At any rate, I have to call BS on your bf, amiga. If he is treating you like that now, how long before he's telling you that you have to be saved if you want to be with him? 
Relationships between the very religious and the non-religious rarely work because the agendas have a tendency to be completely divergent. 

You have to ask yourself if these pseudo-evangelical shenanigans, which are very likely to get worse before they get better (if they ever get better) are worth it. If you think it is worth it to be with this person, be prepared to convert and love it, because if you try to fake it, he'll know (or pretend not to notice) and you'll be miserable with a husband you don't love, a religion you don't believe in, and a horde of children that are being biased by his psycho-dogma. 

After all that, you probably think I'm a Christian basher, but that's not the case. I have nothing against anyone or their religion. But I do have rather a lot against anyone who will tell you that what you're doing is wrong because it doesn't fit into their narrow view of the world. 

Now, I'm ready for the right wing Christian fundamentalist nutjobs lambaste me. 

Whatever you choose to do in this situation, I hope you find the happiness, and the man, you so richly deserve.

insurancelady82 · Answer

I don' t think God told him, I think his chruch community advised him against it.  Living with someone where sex isn't being had is not the ideal situation when it's a relationship.  The people in his church recognized that he may "give in" and have sex before marriage with you, and that he would be "living in sin".  

Personally, I think you and him are probably not going to work out, unless he leaves the church, or you join it.  He's far too involved for a relationship with a non christian to truly work.  

It's my opinion that you seriously considering ending this before the fight to "save your soul" begins.  Being religious isn't bad, so if you're okay with that for yourself, then go for it.  But if you aren't okay with that, then brace yourself for some heartache.

Prashant k · Answer

Relations are successful if both are satisfied emotionally and physically....i think he is too religious, which is not a good thing...u no to much god in everything doesn't sounds good. 

Your relationship can survive i am sure if you both talk to each other and figure out the loop holes and fix them permanently.

Anonym · Answer

Actually i  don't think its religious reasons that he's doing this because God doesn't tell us break up with this girl and kiss that one ! and if he doesn't see that what he's doing is a sin with you than what does religion have to do 
he maybe going through things , ask him and talk more to him about it 
but religion isn't the deal here in my opinion

littlemary · Answer

If he is Christian, he is considering that he should marry someone that is one too. It is not that your are a bad person or anything like that. But if he is really serious about his relationship with God, he will date or marry someone who is a Christian. Dont be surprised if he breaks up with you. I am not being mean, this happens alot with young people, who are trying to think their life though. Dont mean to be offensive with the answer.

Ayanna F · Answer

I doubt that it's that cause a friend of mine is Christian and she went out with and atheist and that didn't come between them. Maybe he's one of those very christian people like my father. Just relax and see what happens, don't start freaking out or anything. just try to cope and you'll get through.

mimi · Answer

he seems unstable. get rid of him. anyone who says "god told me to" is just not right in the head. and it seems like he doesn't want to be with you but is a coward so he is blameing god for it. nice huh? you don't want this kind of life. just imagine it...... "o god told me we shouldnt get married in june even though you want to" "o god told me we shouldnt have chicken for dinner even though you already cooked it." leave now.

Religion in Relationships?

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