How do I forgive myself?.....Adults only please?

"The mistakes of the past are history, but the mistakes of the present are choices." - L.

You can't change what you did in that party, you can't change the things you said and the things you did. People make mistakes, it's part of human nature. There is no doubt that some mistakes are greater than others, but the greatest mistake of all, the only one that warrants hating oneself, is the mistake of repeating a previous mistake.

More importantly, actions, whether they're mistakes or not are results of thoughts. You said yourself you "converted into the demon I've kept chained in the innermost darkest corners of mind." In order to not repeat your mistakes you must understand why they happened, you must understand this "innermost darkest corner" of your mind. Most people live in denial of their darkest thoughts and emotions, pretending that they're not there, but that's a self-destructive mistake, for as those emotions grow out of sight, they eventually become much worse and eventually explode, and you better than me knows the consequence. You must explore your negative self and understand it, so that you can deal with it and put it to rest. So long as you fail to do this, your actions will continue to be controlled by your negative subconscious, and you will continue to make the same mistakes, which will ultimately lead you to hating yourself.

I know that figuring things out when you're along feels almost impossible. But trust me, ultimately, when it comes to understanding oneself, the best way to do it is alone, so that you don't run the risk of having others tell you what you are instead of figuring it out yourself.

Once you understand your feelings, you'll be able to control them. Once you can control your feelings they won't lead you to making mistakes. Once you stop making these mistakes you will stop losing other people's "trust and admiration," and will then stop hating yourself.

For a while - which might be as a few months - you just have to live with the bad feelings. Hope may feel futile, but it's not. When self-hatred gets too strong, you need to reach out to someone loving and older. You need to let yourself cry with them. You need to listen, even for a moment, that everyone life has mistakes in it like this. In the future, you may wince when you think of the moment, but you will not feel as intensely about it. There will be many other crushes in your life - one may be just around the corner. Don't try to change anyone's mind about you. Make your apologies, and let some time pass to heal their wounds and yours. In the long run, they will re-accept you if you show you've grown. You'll show this by having the courage to move on and not to be needy about their acceptance of you.

Self-hate is a vicious cycle - you need the help of other people, loving and kind, to help you out. And you need to examine at some point why you are this needy. Being needy doesn't mean you re a bad person - you'll want to understand why simply because being needy is a horrible way to live. By the way - even if your crush wanted you as you do her, you wouldn't be happy for very long. The path to contentment comes from inside yours, not from outside.

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. There was a good 6 years where everything went wrong but I came out of it a stronger person. You will too. However it has to begin with you. Forget your family forget your friends. Ultimately you have to forgive yourself.

I know somewhat of what you're going through. I think you need to go to a place where you find the most calming. Take your bible and read. Try to read every verse on forgiveness. Then after you do that, go and ask every person you've hurt to forgive you. After you have been forgiven by all (I don't know how many). After that, ask yourself to forgive yourself. Look in your heart, and see if its possible. If not, ask a Preist or a Pastor. (hugs)

accept responsibilitytly for your faults your actions..and then wash them away..forgive yourself and others will too..live an honest life and good people will surround you.. I do understand i feel this way sometimes too,but you have to forgive yourself as you would others..

just dont do it again