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Should I cut ties with unsupportive parent?
So my dad is not supportive of my sexual orientation at all. He always starts every visit with "I hate the fact that you're gay but I still love you". This makes it very hard to be around him as I feel like I have to change/censor who I am to spend time with my own father. Several times he has cancelled visits for which I've bought expensive flight tickets- sometimes within hours of when I was supposed to fly - my aunt confided in me that his girlfriend is even more homophobic than he is and that she doesn't want me around. My dad is in his 70s so I want to spend time with him while he is still alive but censoring myself to the point where I can't even talk about who I'm dating is putting a huge toll on me. The reason I censor myself is because he will get VIOLENTLY angry and scream and or yell at me for even mentioning my boyfriend's name. Today he called my boyfriend a racially charged name for which I hung up with my dad and lead me to seeking help here. My dad has a history of making me so miserable in my relationships that I end up breaking things off to spare the other guy from having to deal with it. I love my dad but I don't think I should sacrifice my happiness and hide who I am to make him feel better. I am who I am and nothing will change it. I feel like if he has this much of a problem then he should just cease contact or I should. Thoughts?
6 Antworten
- Anonymvor 11 Monaten
Personally, I think you should cut him off. He doesn’t accept the person you are. He is willing to waste your financial resources and make you regret putting in an effort to see him by being unreliable. He’s verbally abusing the people you date.
Right now he doesn’t “love” you. He loves the perception of what you should be in his head. This isn’t good for your mental health or well being
- ?Lv 7vor 11 Monaten
Your dad doesn't have to be "supportive" of your orientation. That's something a "newbie" would say (someone who hasn't been out for long, and yes I know what I'm talking about). But if he mentions it every time he sees you then you're not wrong to want to see less of him. So stop buying him airline tickets and get yourself into some counseling to learn better techniques of spending time with him before he's gone. You can work toward not being so self possessed that you lead with your orientation and you can gain communication tactics that'll make it easier to see him. If you don't do these things and leave the relationship on a reasonable footing you'll regret it after he dies.
- ?Lv 6vor 11 Monaten
Not so cut but unloosen them a bit. It will be ok. Be patient living and understanding. Remember his age they usually Believe their little one will grow up to have a family and carry the family name. Pls understand his feelings. And yes your dear Dad loves u so much. How do u think where all that anger comes from. Deep in his heart. His love for his dear son.
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- Anonymvor 11 Monaten
You can’t change your father. That’s just how he is. At least he even says he still loves you, that’s better than a lot of other parents. Maybe this girlfriend of his is the one you should address these issues with or have a private visit with your father without her around, if at all possible.
