Is it time to cut off my toxic parent?

Question

Background I’m an adult child of an alcoholic parent who is divorced from my father. She drinks heavily for about 12 hours each day everyday. She forgets birthdays, graduations, etc. didn’t go to her own parents funerals and is so detached from me I sometimes wonder where the mother I had as a child has gone. It’s painful that a relative a blood relative that is would forget milestones and refuses to be there when I need her. I was just given some medical news which required somebody to be close to help me with my recovery which she immediately refused to do. The only reason I haven’t cut her out of my life is because I feel one day she will hit rock bottom and won’t have anyone to turn to since she’s alienated our entire family and has no friends.

? · Answer

Talk to an lawyer about getting her legal medical power of attorney. If you're able to manage that book her into a rehab and tell her you're taking her out to a boozy lunch. Prearrange with the center to have some burly orderlies on hand to help get her into the place. She'll hate you for the foreseeable future but will eventually see that you saved her life.

Anonym · Answer

i'd say cut her off.. she was never there for you.. you have been there for her long enough and got nothing in return. then again thats just my opinion, up to you.

Pearl · Answer

thats up to you to decide

Coach Simon · Answer

She must be deeply unhappy and insecure. Al-anon can help alcoholics and their families.

boystownhotline · Answer

This is a great, honest observation about the challenge of living with, or being close with alcoholism or other addictive behavior. Learning how to set boundaries that allow you to focus on what is best for you rather than being absorbed into the disease is important. Organizations such as Al-Anon and Adult Children of Alcoholics are support groups that can offer insight, advice, support and direction in helping to establish healthy boundaries.   Both organizations have websites, and there are support meetings in most cities, as well as online support groups.  Stay brave, keep reaching out.

? · Answer

You should never feel guilty for removing toxic people from your life - be it a partner, a friend, a relative or even a parent. You have to do what's best for you.

? · Answer

yeah youre allowed to cut her off shes an addict that does not want to change and treats you like that, just because shes a blood relative does not mean you have to be there for her when shes not there for you

Mamawidsom · Answer

It is time for you to distance yourself and get some therapy.  It seems like you are already cut off from your mom.  Unless she is contacting you in the middle of the night is a drunken rant, I'm not sure there is much "cutting off" you actually need to do.

What is clear, is the you need to heal.  You've been deeply hurt and disappointed by the person each of us expects to be the one who is always there for us.  You need a safe environment to explore and release your various feelings: sadness, anger, disappointment, neglect, betrayal, etc.  Then you will need to find other ways to fill the emotional void.  A counselor/therapist/psychologist is also the right person to advise you on what, if any, contact you should have with your mother.

Good luck.

Fascinated · Answer

You are a very nice person to want to be there for her when she hits rock bottom. She's an addict who doesn't want to change, has no use for people, and adds no joy to your life. Only stress. So it's OK to turn your back on this toxic relationship that causes you nothing but pain. Your mental health has to come first, hon.

Anonym · Answer

Waaah waaaah wahhh!! Mommy doesn't wuv you sweethea💔t. Get over it.

Is it time to cut off my toxic parent?

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