Anyones opinion on this poem?

dreadful. put chocolates, jewellry, a book of poems by a recognized poet, a nice sweater....whatever. ditch the stupid cheesey poem.

As long as the box is small and fancy its good.

She will enjoy the effort and sentiment.

Don't dare to quit your daytime job, :-D

The only way that might work is if you take it from the girl before she reads it, light a match and set it ablaze, and say "My love for you is brighter than this fire."

It sounds like it was found in Taylor Swift's waste paper bin.

Try a simple note:

When we are next together, my life will be complete.

(It's not great but it doesn't rhyme so it's easy to do better)

Personally, I think you can't beat Lemony Snicket's

"Summer without you is as cold as winter

Winter without you is even colder".

We must sound really harsh and she'll probably appreciate it anyway. We're just saying it's no Charge of the Light Brigade or anything.

I suggest writing something on the outside of the box to warn her of the poem she's going to read when she opens it, instructing her to read it outside the house as she may vomit copiously and ruin the carpets and furniture.

Its mediocre. However, most beginning poetry are. Keep writing.