what if i never recover from being raped??

Rape's after effects continue until you get professional help. There are counselors specially trained to work with sexual assault and abuse. The National Coalition Against Rape will know where the center nearest to you is located. In Pennsylvania there's one in every county. Most of our centers offer individual counseling and support groups.

When I was working in that field, I saw so many women regain their lives and go on to find a sense of well-being and fulfilling relationships. Best wishes in your quest for recovery.

It isn't hardly the same thing, but... I have had my face smashed in with a [bat]. I'm okay. I have some trouble with my nose. It might break if anyone even accidentally bumps into it hard enough. It broke the last time someone punched me. I had to set it again. It isn't in the same place as the time before that when we set my face in the bathroom after the [bat]. People don't notice that much. My face is crooked, but I try. When I was a kid, I had a foster dad/counselor that continued on and to my knowledge specializes in cases related to sexual crime. Cliff Kuster. I believe he lives in Wisconsin. I wish I had his phone number. Maybe you can search for him or talk to someone. It has helped me deal with some of the things.

My knowedge of post-traumatic stress disorder is very limited, but I know that success has been reported with war veterans suffering from PTSD who have been treated with a program I'm familiar with called Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy.

"A PILOT STUDY OF GROUP MINDFULNESS-BASED COGNITIVE THERAPY (MBCT) FOR COMBAT VETERANS WITH POSTTRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER (PTSD)"

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/da.2210...

This might be right for you.

MBCT combines cognitive therapy with a method that's been used for thousands of years in Asia. The English word for it is mindfulness. It's awareness of the present moment, what's happening at the moment around you and within you.

I'll show you an example of how you can have mindfulness. Eat a candy bar as if the experience were new to you. Feel the weight of the bar in your hand. Feel the wrapper. Unwrap the bar carefully. Smell the wrapper and the bar. Take a tiny bite and chew it slowly. Another way is just to sit for a while and pay attention to your breathing. When you find yourself getting lost in your thoughts, come back to your breath.

An advantage of mindfulness is that it lets you separate yourself from your suffering. It doesn't make the suffering go away altogether but it changes your perception of it. Mindfulness therapies are used for mood disorders, chronic pain, and borderline personality disorder, a serious mental illness. Borderline people are treated with a therapy called DBT.

"Observe your anger as you meditate on your breath."

I'll show you videos with two important people in the mindfulness movement, then I'll list books.

Jon Kabat-Zinn the biologist who designed a stress-reduction program, one the people who designed MBCT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvXFxi2ZXT0

Marsha Linehan, the psychologist who designed DBT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KiihIE0d0c

The Mindful Way Through Depression was written by the researchers who designed MBCT. Go to MBCT.com.

The Miracle of Mindfulness is a book by Thich Nhat Hanh, who is the world's best-known author on Zen

Skills Training Manual for Treatment of Borderline Personality Disorder is the official DBT manual by Marsha Linehan. It's popular although it was written for professionals.

I hope that's not all you've been thinking about for those 5 years. It's like getting in a fight that you lost. You don't keep beating yourself to relive the defeat. Get into counseling to find a way to get beyond this.

try to forget whatever happened. in life we have to move on. don't let one thing affect you forever. its always easier said than done but there is always some hope