Why Shouldn't I Give Up?

Question

I have bipolar disorder and have incredibly low depressive episodes and extremely high manic episodes. I suffer from insomnia and chronic depression to go along with that. I have tried to kill myself a few times and I have suicidal thoughts almost daily, even when I am manic and feeling on top of the world. I am also bisexual and have a lot of problems with my sexuality, accepting myself, and my personal identity. I also have problems with drugs. Despite all of this I somehow managed to get through it and I got my degree. However, my life's dream was always to join the military and then become a federal agent. Yes, you can say I should have done more research on my life's dream but I guess I am just a moron. Anyway I recently found out that you can not join the military or any government agency if you have been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So the whole point of my entire 20 odd years has crumbled. I feel like I have no power or control over my own life. My illness has taken everything away from me, including my dream, the one thing I thought it couldn't touch. I am now completely lost and I don't believe I can move on, nor do I want. I want to kill myself very badly and am probably going to go on a crazed drug binge very soon. As I stated above I have always had trouble with drugs and I have dabbled but I was able to curb it for the most part because I wanted to join the military. Now I am furious that all of the pain I went through was for nothing and I am just going to give up.

My question is what can I do to stop this? My life has always been extremely hard, it is a roller coaster with incredibly high peaks and incredibly low valleys. But I don't think I can overcome this. Heck, I don't even think I should. My whole mission is gone and I am supposed to accept that? And before you ask, no there is nothing else I am interested in, there is no other career I have ever wanted to do besides this. I was given far more weaknesses and negatives in this world than I was strengths. I have no special skill, ability, or talent. I am not extremely intelligent nor am I exceptional at any one thing. The only thing I ever had was a fierce tenacity and the will to persevere and to serve, to help people. Now I have been told I am too damaged to lay my life down for my country, for justice. If I am too damaged for that then I am too damaged for life itself.

Anonym · Accepted Answer

I witnessed my mothers tragic death after we both got into an accident at the age of 17. After having stitches and reconstructive surgery, I was in the hospital and hooked up to an IV machine for 5 weeks; not a single person visited me. My father blamed me for her death and beat me. He went to jail. I had no friends.... I ended up going to a group home where I made lots of enemies and still not a single friend.
I wavered between depressed and emotionally detached. It was the loneliest I had ever been.
I gained a panic disorder and my nerves are completely shot. I can't even hold my hand out straight without it shaking.

Eventually I realized that in life... we have choices. Whether they're good or bad. We can choose to make our life better or we can choose to continue on a destructive path...  If we believe that we are doomed because of our past, then we have chosen to be prisoners of what is over. We can't change the past but we can change the future.

My roommate is bi-polar and has psychosis. He takes pills and can be pretty moody; but he has a stable job that he loves and is leading a good life.

I'll send positive energy your way but I just want you to know that you're not alone and your problem isn't nearly as much as a problem as some.

Giulyssa · Answer

You're not alone.. I felt like you before.. It changes, I promise.
Just focus on the things that make you happy.. i don't know a sport, friends, a subject you're particularly more interested in!!!!! I promise it'll change.. Life is beautiful just wait and see
:) I love you, Good luck,
Xoxo

You're beautiful the way you are, and you can inspire other people with bipolar to follow their dreams and never give up.. See a therapist it'll help make it easier for you decide what you wanna do, what makes you excited!

? · Answer

hun if this point of your life is that low, imagine how great the next highlight will be!!!
you're being set up by life, it likes doing that to us poor people. you push through and youll find a pretty rainbow with unicorns and-no im not talking about your drugs! 
oh dear lord i am so inappropriate. im sorry. but please push through, for me.
as for your dream, have you ever wanted a family? To become someone who helps other people with depression and issues like that( be happy with yourself first though:) ). you'll find your purpose. <3 xx

cody · Answer

helping ppl is one of the parts of love. loveing  and trusting god. try to persevere but do so in the effort to find gods meaning. my youtube is camaro33125. plesae search for god. hug

Why Shouldn't I Give Up?

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