Brother in law at wedding?

Ultimately, I would respect Groom's decision in regards to whether or not to invite his brother.

While I would try to problem solve with my fiance on ways that his brother could attend the wedding and be held in check, but I would respect whatever decision my future husband made.

And if future BIL brings it up, I (actually my husband) would tell him that we would have loved to invite him, but Brother's drunken behavior at past events made it so that he could not invite Brother and risk having Brother ruin Groom's wedding. And that the two of you were saddened that his drinking was so out of control that Groom had to make this decision because he loves Brother.

See..even if Brother tries to hold it against you and Groom, one of you brings it back around and puts the responsibility back on Brother and his behavior. This may be the rock bottom that Brother needs to hit.

It may very well become a future family issue if you don't invite him. Tell your fiance that you'll invite him, but that you'll ask certain friends or family members (ones that he would actually listen to - dad or uncle perhaps) to keep an eye on him, and if he misbehaves to take him back to his hotel. You don't have to even tell your brother in law he'll have "babysitters" as long as you and your fiance know that someone will be keeping him on a short leash.

I'm pretty sure straight out not inviting him will make YOU look like the bad guy, which is obviously not the case, but people who don't know the whole story make assumptions.

So invite him. But get him a few "babysitters". (I disagree with involving the police - that's a bit over the top)

I say don't invite him, but make sure all communication about this comes from his bro, not you. And your fiance needs to tell him very upfront why he isn't invited.

I don't get this idea of having close family members baby sit him. If you do that, you're basically accommodating a problem drinker at the expense of others who have no reason to be punished. And it would be a punishment - it would impact their enjoyment of the reception. I sure wouldn't want to go to a wedding with that job description!

As for future family drama, you can't prevent people from trying to create it, but the truth is simple. Nobody should ever have to invite someone who has the potential to disrupt your day. It doesn't matter who that person is.

I would tell the brother in law that although he will be invited to the wedding, he will be supervised and if he gets out of line, he will be escorted away from the church or reception. So, he needs to be on his best behaviour. Then, HIRE someone to watch him and follow through with your request to have him removed from the building. Do not put this on a relative who is a guest at your wedding as that is unfair to ask them to babysit at your wedding and also to leave the festivities with the drunk brother in law. So, it is best to ask someone who you specifically invite as his watch dog.

However, an alcoholic needs to realize their actions are disturbing others and not to be included in a wedding is probably what he deserves. But, if he is not invited, I would not count on him staying away. So, if you don't invite him, expect him to show up and have the local police number in the memory of your phone so they can come and take him away.

If your fiance does not want his brother there, you need to respect that choice. Regretting not having your wedding disturbed by a drunk is hogwash. You are not thinking clearly. While you are off being the hostess bride you have zero idea of the ruckus your brother in law is causing to your other guests. Subjecting people to a known drunk is just horrible.

Talk to your brother

Tell him you would love to him at the wedding

But you are afraid that he could get drunk and cause a scene at the wedding

That you hope that if he comes, he will not drink

May do this in front of family that would back you up

You are correct. You should give him the benefit of the doubt and invite him. It won't be the end of the world if he makes a scene (you will still be married) and it will be very, very hard for a grown man to make someone else's wedding day about him. Most likely no one will even notice him.

I would invite him. I dont know the whole background but you don't want to be the co-creator of a big family drama. Invite the guy but have one of the ushers or a trusted family member keep an eye on him. If he starts off on a tangent, he can be redirected. If he really starts causing a disturbance, he can be asked to leave.

It's his brother so it ends up being his decision. Even though he should talk it through with you and not make any major decisions without your input because you're going to have to deal with it too, at the end of the day he has had his whole life with his brother being a member of his family, and you haven't.

Try to be a mediator between them - but only if they both want it! It might cause more hassle if you try to tell your future hubby that his feelings are wrong. If you were in the same situation how frustrated would you feel if your partner tried to claim he knew more about your family than you?

It's his brother. Let him make the decision, and let him deal with any aftermath.

Your job is to support his decision. Even if you don't necessarily agree with it. It's his family and it's his call.

If you had a relative that you didn't want at your wedding, and your fiance kept telling you to ignore your feelings and invite him, wouldn't you be hurt that your fiance wasn't being supportive?

I, personally would be trying to find a compromise. I would sooner talk to the brother in law and mention our worries to him, and hope he cuts back on the drinking before I would skip his invitation.