What do you think of this? HELP?

Hey there,

I am applying to Trinity College at the University of Toronto for biological anthropology and/or possibly immunology. For the college profile, we must complete a 400 word essay on this question:

Tell us about your academic interests and what you plan to study at U of T. How does your plan fit in with your long term goals?

I wanted to do something a bit different since I am sure they receive so many similar responses, so here is what I wrote:

The doors slide open and I catch a whiff of antiseptic, refiltered air. The nurses rush back and forth through the corridors, wheeling patients in and out of exam rooms, and the intercom buzzes incessantly. I squeamishly approach the front desk to announce my arrival. The receptionist tells me to take a seat in the waiting room, and I make my way through the obstacle course of tables, bags and annoyed glances as I brush past people’s legs. Of all the unfamiliar territory in a hospital, the bustling chaos of the waiting room is the one with which I can least acquaint myself.

Since I am a few minutes early, I unpack my anatomy book and scan through my previous work. Colour-coded notes line the pages that I carefully dissected the week previously. As much as I am thankful to my biology professor for signing me up to the internship, I am used to being prepared. Yet, studying the IV of the patient next to me brings me nothing but the knowledge that I do, in fact, know absolutely nothing.

Suddenly, I recall my Red Cross mentor’s advice. Medicine, he would say, is a field where you must simultaneously connect the dots of everything you know, and then throw all that out the window. Quoting George Carlin, he would joke that it is unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practise’. I respect that this may have been sound advice that was meant to appease me before I stepped into an ambulance the first time, but I had my doubts whether my junior paramedic training, which kept me relatively sheltered from anything more severe than some fractured bones, would be of any help today.

My name is called on the intercom, and my heart skips a beat. I find myself thinking I would be well equipped with a DeLorean time machine. I could flash forward a few years, finish my studies, come back and be an instant medical whizz. Maybe biological anthropology, then medical school, and I could zip back in time to enter the heavy metal door I was approaching. The nurse hands me a set of dark blue scrubs, and as I slip into them, I notice they feel remarkably like pyjamas. This might actually turn out alright, as long as nobody asks me for directions.

I will definitely get it proofread a few more times, but I am worried that this may be not exactly what they were expecting. However, I don't really see the point in writing the same essay as a hundred other people. We also have to write another essay about our extracurriculars, and I have included my interests and the draw of U of T in that one, so is this ok?