English boat advert, natives only please?

Question

We're about to publish an advertisement for a sailing boat on an English magazine, can you please check it out? I'd like it to sound perfect, any suggestions will be greatly appreciated, thank you.

Carbon fiber construction (2010-2011), Nordic Mast with Park Avenue, Nitronic and PBO rigging, Holmatro Hydraulic System, North Sail 3DL main, genoa, stay sail, gennaker, code "0", bow thruster, water maker, Mastervoltgenerator 14kw, Volvo engine 140 Hp, ice maker, washing machine, two refrigerators and one freezer, clima combined system (air conditioner and heater), Master cabin at bow, two double aft cabins, crew cabin, toilet in all cabins, separate kitchen.

Richard C · Accepted Answer

I'd Re-arrange it info slightly.  I'm assuming your putting a headline in before this text.   That's what gets prospective buyers attention.   Try to run some Headline(s) by us, and we can vote on the one we like best.

On this text, I'd rearrange it slightly.  Put sleeping accommodations right after the Hull information (LOA, beam, draft). followed by the galley info.   

Ads with to much info loose readers........attention, so you don't need to itemize sails.....and rigging at this point, but if multiple photos are included, show one under sail if possible.    

Buyers will assume you have A/C etc, so you don't need to put a lot of details here, so add "call for details" in the add, so when they call you can "sell it's features".  In fact have a script for when people call.  

You should mention the one thing you really love when your on-board.

She sounds like a very nice yacht! 

Good Luck!

Anonym · Answer

Ripara quel buco, altrimenti la barca affonda.

English boat advert, natives only please?

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