Grounds for mental hospital?

Bless your heart! You are NOT whining, you are not pathetic, you are not complaining. You have some real, very heavy stuff tormenting you right now. You definitely need some help, in some form. I would recommend you see someone... a therapist, at the least. Is there someone you can see? At the least, they can rule stuff out for you. At the most, you'll get some help and be able to live a happier life.

I was a cutter for a long time. I know the "allure" of it. What i learned, finally, is while i can cut myself, the problems remain. It does NOTHING to get rid of any problems... it just prolongs my having to deal with them. So, i can choose to cut and the problem is there, or NOT cut, and the problem is still there.

I can also totally relate to how you deal in relationships. I am the same (and i'm 43!!). I get clingy, then wonder why i get pushed away.

You say you have "to much to do" to stop and get help. I would venture that getting help would help YOU do MORE of those things you want to be doing, and do them in a productive way. You sound so tormented now i frankly don't know how you're able to accomplish anything at all. You're already really strong and you don't even know it! All this torment and you accomplish things. What if there were no torment? Think of the things you could do!!!

Your mom was right, in a sense, about selfishness, but i think you're taking it wrong. You are in no way, NO WAY, evil. There are forms of healthy selfishness, and it seems to me this is a perfect time for that. You need to set everyone aside (for now) and do what needs to be done to take care of YOU in a healthy way. If that means checking yourself into a place voluntarily, then it just does. THERE IS NO SHAME IN WANTING TO GET HEALTHY.

Please, please, at least consider what i'm saying. I don't even know you but i care whether you hurt yourself or not. You are here for a reason. Your life MATTERS, even if you can't see it right now. I would encourage you to get some help. You are so much stronger than you think.

That was a lot of information but I see you making assumptions where there need not necessarily be any.

Doubts about your reality? Usually people with psychosis can't tell the difference between reality or hallucination/psychosis. Sometimes people describe things as looking different but you seem to be aware there is a separate focus without stating what. People with paranoia tend not to question if they are paranoid or not.

The whispering stuff sounds like auditory hallucinations. Possibly with bipolar or schizophrenia. May sometimes be with borderline.

The fact you've had mental health problems since age 12 worries me but it's not necessarily a determination of the long term outcome. Was the mood disorder at 17 not the depression again or is there any other diagnosis given? Not sure what age you now are though. Why were you given Lamictal? When was the ADD diagnosed and what treatment did you have that you overdosed on?

The self negativism's could be what you genuinely think about yourself, I don't know. They may be from the whisperings perhaps? Do they agree. It's good that you can see that these thoughts are yours, not from any external source. I can't comment on the proof you mention that is not listed.

The anxiety, crying,self harming and panic attacks don't fit terribly well into the possibility of say schizophrenia but it's possible you have bipolar with mood swings. I would not expect fast mood swings though.

Some of what you describe sounds more like BPD borderline personality disorder. Being empty or disassociated. That includes all the relationship stuff that I would not expect with bipolar or schizophrenia.

A lot of people surprisingly keep the old fail safes of "I want to go home" or "if it all goes horribly wrong I can kill myself" an escape route if all else fails so they don't feel totally overwhelmed by a stressful situation.

The way you speak about being treated in hospital sounds like you've been there and had that sort of treatment already? That would make more sense if you had BPD which is not always well treated.

It does not matter if you have never attempted suicide in the past, the fact you are thinking about it is sometimes enough to be admitted to hospital. On the other hand if you are certain this is something you can keep control of for the time being until you achieve the study then go home then you know yourself far better than we do. If you have a BPD diagnosis please look into BT as treatment for that. If you have been diagnosed as bipolar you need to get your medications checked by a psychiatrist who knows you.

Good luck

Are you residing at house? Do your dad and mom deliver you cash whilst you want it? Does your dad and mom pay for college in your university? If the reply is sure to any of those questions, then you have got a slender risk successful, when you consider that those could be grounds for being a based. Ooo... Yea I used to be that means financially based. Like what you fill out in your Tax types. Sorry. I dont realize so much approximately being legally based.

Yes, you need to be hospitalized. You are having suicidal ideations and have the means to carry out a suicide by cutting.