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I think this might be Borderline Personality Disorder?
I'm almost 20 years old, female, and have been diagnosed with clinical depression and ADD. I've been a self-injurer since I can remember. My mood will, however, change rapidly. I do not feel like I just have depression. Yes, I will always feel this underlying sadness, but that does not always last. My moods will change so fast that one minute I could be fine, and pretty soon after I will want to kill myself, but then give it another hour or two, and I'll be just okay again. It can vary though. Sometimes I will get so depressed I will have what feels like an anxiety attack and I have come close to suicide before with these. I feel like I'm losing my mind during them. In just the past year I've become so attached to certain people. If they do anything without me, I freak out and sometimes even go into those anxiety-like panic attacks. I've started cutting myself a lot more, and do it whenever, but especially when upset. I feel like I can't control my urges. I will go from hating that person I'm attached to, to being seemingly in love with them, to hating them, but I will never tell them how I feel. That's never been part of my personality. I hide everything. I also do not get angry. If I feel anger, I take it out on myself, and I never let anyone know that I am angry. I've recently started drinking much more than I used to. I have started spending money whenever I get angry or upset. I feel bored with life. I don't know what I want to do with anything anymore. I've recently just changed my mind on what I want to do with the rest of my life but feel so stuck and that I cannot do it. I feel too old. I don't know what I want anymore, I don't know what I believe and will almost say that I don't believe anything. I change who I am depending on who I am with. I don't know who I am.
I'm just so confused. All the time. I don't know what I want anymore, I don't feel like I actually like any of my friends and I find myself ignoring many of them, and have lost a great deal of them, and it's hard for me to make new ones because I make myself so hard to get a hold of, partially because I only want to be contacted by the boy I am currently obsessing over. Many of my friends think I'm avoiding them. I don't feel like that's what it is, but it definitely is. I get upset when they think I am avoiding them though, and get even more upset when they think I'm mad or get mad at me. I feel like I just want to put things on pause and fix myself. I don't know what's going on. I am so confused all the time. I have never been so attached or detached from people before. Every minute or so I check my phone to see if he's texted me, and every time he hasn't, I get a little more depressed. But as soon as I hear from him, my mood changes totally. Then will slide back to upset when it tak
2 Antworten
- Anonymvor 1 JahrzehntBeste Antwort
Most people with borderline were sexually abused. It's one of the most stigmatizing diagnoses you can get.
Instead of getting diagnosed with an extremely harmful label, how about looking for a therapist and a weekly class for dialectical behavior therapy. You don't need a borderline diagnosis to benefit.
I took a mini class to help with bipolar depression, and the distress tolerance stuff really helped. I was extremely touched to learn a few years later that the reason my small, rural county offered this class was because of me-the medication treatments only ever made me worse, and it was pretty likely I would die by suicide eventually. I was so touched, I bawled, that others would care so much about me. when you are chronically depressed, it is hard to believe that anyone cares, don't you think?
It turned out that the meds were most of the problem why I was suicidal, I found out just these past few months, and now even though I am really depressed, i am much less suicidal. So if you are on meds, you might want to think about if they are a problem. For me, it was ativan, adderall, antidepressants andtipsychotics AND ECT just made me so damned agitated. i think it was a form of akathisia, in hindsight. I felt like i had to claw my face off, or cut my chest open with a knife, really creepy. Off meds, the feeling is GONE, what a relief. My husband and mental health workers are so relieved that the primarly cause of my chronic suicidal ideation was found.
i hope you find your peace someday. The distress tolerance stuff really helped me stay alive until we figured out that the meds were causing the suicidal stuff for 15 years of true hell.
- vor 1 Jahrzehnt
You probably don't have borderline personality disorder. You might have Bipolar Disorder were moods & feelings can change rapidly. You may feel depressed easily for some time or break on in anger and not be quite sure why. I would visit a counselor since you have had a history of suicidal thoughts and self harm. Finding somone that will help you is the right thing to do!!
