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Can someone correct my english homework my english is bad because Iam from germany!!!?

I must write in past tence

It was a stormy day when Jayson´s family bought the vacant, cozy little house in the small town that they were moving into. They had heard it was so omnious and eerie. Jayson didn´t want to move into the new house but his parents told him that the creepy stories about the house were all lies, so he didn´t need to worry. The first night he slept in the new house , he went to the bathroom upstairs, when he washed his hands he saw blood flowing out of the faucet. Jayson was shocked and a cold shiver ran down from his back, so he screamedand ran to his parent´s bedroom, but his parents were not there. Suddenly he heard whining and hissing noises, which left his heart beat faster and his blood pressure increase immeasurably. Jayson was worried sick, so he ran to the living-room and saw that his parents were hung by their necks and dangling from the ceiling.Besides his self with anguish he ran to his little brother´s bedroom and when he turned the switch on Jayson saw that his little brother´s bed was full of blood, too. Jayson lifted his blanket and saw that only his head was in the bed. Fearing he decided to jump out the window because the room looks out to the river and more probably than not he would survive the downfall.

Suddenly a scary voice called again and again his name and said: Jayson go away from the window boy, you want to kill you? Wake up you are sleepwalking, everything is all right.

3 Antworten

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  • Anonym
    vor 1 Jahrzehnt
    Beste Antwort

    I changed a few bits Xx

    It was a stormy day when Jayson´s family bought the vacant, cozy little house in the small town that they were moving into. They had heard it was very omnious and eerie. Jayson didn´t want to move into the new house but his parents told him that the creepy stories about the house were all lies, so he didn´t need to worry. The first night he slept in the new house, Jayson went to the bathroom upstairs, but when he washed his hands he saw blood flowing out of the faucet. Jayson was shocked and a cold shiver ran down from his back, he screamed and ran to his parent´s bedroom, but his parents were not there. Suddenly he heard whining and hissing noises, which made his heart beat faster and his blood pressure increase greatly. Jayson was worried sick, so he ran to the living-room and saw that his parents were hung by their necks and dangling from the ceiling. Despite his own anguish, he ran to his little brother´s bedroom but when he turned the light on Jayson saw that his little brother´s bed was also full of blood. Jayson lifted his blanket and saw that only his head remained in the bed. Terrified, he decided that jumping out of the window would be too dangererous because the room looked out to the river and he might not survive the fall.

    Suddenly Jayson heard a scary voice calling his name over and over, saying 'Jayson, come away from the window boy, do you want to kill yourself? Wake up you are sleepwalking, everything is all right.

  • vor 1 Jahrzehnt

    It was a stormy day when Jayson´s family bought the vacant, cosy little house in the small town that they were moving into. They had heard it was so ominous and eerie. Jayson didn't want to move into the new house but his parents told him that the creepy stories about the house were all lies, so there would be no need to worry. The first night he slept in the new house , he went to the bathroom upstairs, when he washed his hands he saw blood flowing out of the faucet. Jayson was shocked and a cold shiver ran down from his back, he tried to scream but nothing came out except a quiet squeak. He ran as fast as his wobbly legs could take him but his parents were no where to be seen. Suddenly he heard whining and hissing noises, his heart started beating faster than ever and his blood pressure increase immeasurably. Jayson was worried sick, so he ran to the living-room and seen something he'd never forget- his parents were hung by their necks and dangling from the ceiling. He was besides his self with anguish panicking he stumbled to his little brother´s bedroom and when he turned the switch on Jayson saw that his little brother´s bed was full of blood, too. Jayson lifted his blanket and saw that only his head was left in the bed. Fear took over him, he flew over towards the window that overlooked onto the river. To him it was a more peaceful way to die.

    Suddenly a scary, husky voice called again repeating his name and said: Jayson go away from the window boy, you want to kill yourself? Wake up you were sleep walking, get back to bed.

    Edited a few parts for you, on the whole its pretty goood like :)x

  • vor 1 Jahrzehnt

    The other guys are pretty much right, but you spelt ominous wrong on line 2.

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