What do you do when you aren't where you want to be?

Long story short. Ex dumped me months ago in September. If you really want all the details you can look at the giant list of my previously asked questions. The breakup was bad. We fought a lot. I've been depressed ever since. I tried not talking to her for a month that didn't help me so I went back and begged her to come back to me. She insisted no because she just doesn't want to. I basically begged her a few more times over the months to no avail either.

Over the last few weeks I just stopped talking to her. I feel like a complete emotional void now and talking to her only makes me scream in my head that I love her and want her back. But I know that it's not going to work so why bother talking to her. She got mad at me on a few occasions because i never talked to her unless she went out of her way to talk to me. And I want to ask her why she wants me as a friend so badly because that little part of my mind keeps thinking while maybe it's because she does still love me deep down. But I know the answer I'll get won't be what I want so why bother.

So I'm not where I want to be in life at all. Like I said, I feel completely devoid of emotion if I'm not drinking with my friends, which I obviously can't do all the time or else my life will REALLY turn to ****, or when I'm talking to her. But the emotions I get from that only make me feel bad. So how do I fix myself? It's been months and months and I'm not over her and it destroys me. So what do I need to do to get to a better place?