What age should a 24 yr. old child have to pay parents rent or find her own place to buy or rent?

Question

My husb. & I paid for all of our eldest daughter's 5 yr. college & when she wanted to become an exchg. student to Japan, we paid for airfare, housing, tuition, books, etc. for that endeavor. She has since graduated from San Jose State Univ. with honors, (we paid for 100% of her college, books, etc.) She continues to work at the temp. job she held down while attending college, but now works 40 hrs. a week. When I went into my bank where I do my sole proprietorship business banking, the bank manager inquired about my eldest child & asked where she is working since she had graduated over a year ago. When I shared with her the situation she stated that B of A had the best International Banking program around. She shared with me that B of A wouldn't take a person into their Int'l dept without any banking experience. With that, she offered to 'create a position' just for our daughter & speed her thru a special training program that she would create, so that our daughter would be easily selected by Bank of America after a year's training by her. The bank mgr. knew that our daughter's degree was in International Business with a minor in Japanese. The bank mgr. then stated that B of A had the best International Banking program. I was elated & went home to share the great news with my husb., who then was also elated. When I shared this "great news' to my daughter, her only replyt was, "Well, I dunno know." I was speachless! I immediately went to share what had transpired with my husb. and he was also in shock. That was over a wk. ago. What should we do? She is also driving my husb. car and he is taking the bus to work, which takes him twice as long to get to work, as he doesn't want her to have to walk or take a bus. I think we've created a monster child/adult. What to do you think? Any suggestions of how to rectify this situation? BTW, we have two other children (one who is in his 3rd yr. of college & another child in her first year of college. Thx. for any constructive suggestions.

Update:

Studios apts. rent for $1,250/mo. & one-bdrms rent for $$1,300/mo & 2-bdrms rent for $17,760-$1,850/mo.

Update 2:

I worked 3 jobs while putting myself thru college & so did my husb., so we wanted our child to enjoy her college life unlike both of us who worked so hard to put ourselves thru college. I guess with our intent to give our daughter what we didn't have, we've created a "monster" (figuratively speaking.)

Update 3:

Thanks for your input, Carla! from Roz

Update 4:

s/b "Karla" not "Carla"

mark r · Accepted Answer

IMO

The three of you should sit down and talk.  Tell her that you and your husband's intentions were to raise a child to become a productive member of society, and although she has finished college, she is only half way there.  She needs to find a place of her own and build the type of life that you and your husband created.  That being said, she needs to pay rent...either at this house or a home of her own.  If she chooses to stay at home, she will have to pay rent. Tell her that you can put the money to good use.  Also tell her that if she does move out, you both will do what you can to assist her.

Give her thirty days to make a decision, and if she decides to stay home, draw up a lease that includes utilities.  

She may be scared of being out on her own, but relate to her that everyone is...

Good Luck with this...email me if you need to...

Peace.

Anonym · Answer

2

Rebecca · Answer

Grow up. Her daughter is 19 so she obviously isn't a new edition. You both need to be more respectful of each other. If she has to work early, then you should turn the tv down. It's common courtesy. You'd expect the same from her if it was the other way around. With the smoking, maybe she has a sensitive nose to smoke. Close the door behind you when you go outside to smoke, and make sure you don't smoke near an open window and you'll be fine. I guarantee if it was your girlfriend making these requests and not her daughter, you wouldn't be making a big deal of it. You'd compromise for the sake of the relationship if you loved her enough. It's the same when there's a child involved. Stop stuffing your girlfriend around. Either you'll accept her daughter or you won't.

DiesixDie · Answer

I think first you sit down and have a talk with her.  You need to come up with a plan that works for everybody, but, most importantly, works for you.  Let her know that you'll support her, but, that the total free ride is coming to an end.  I'd take the car back, today and offer to give her a ride to the used car dealership.

She's probably not up to diving straight into international banking all in one whack.  It might take time for her to adopt an actual responsible career, but, she'll be motivated in that direction if you aggressively move her into a position of having to provide for herself.  Maybe, she's only cut-out for slacker jobs.  If that's the case, make sure she understands that she'll be living with the resulting cash shortfall on her own.

Tell her that you and your husband love her, but, feel that it's time to enjoy life, and go on vacations and turn her bedroom into an art studio and that you're going to start inviting all of your friends over for nude hot-tub parties starting on Tuesday, and she's in the way.

It's probably really nice in Costa Rica about now.  Barcelona would be fun, too.  Weather in Paris probably sucks.  Have your talk with her in a couple of weeks after you and your husband return from vacation from someplace nice.

steven25t · Answer

Roz

I think it's about time that she must be on her own, and pay her own bills, and live her own life. I know you're her mom, and its painful for you to let her go, but It's neccesary.
Beside you have other 2 kids who are in college. Well you guys created, but you have let her go. even she uis 24 het mind still a child. 
you either have talk to her, if won't understand , because she got used to all benefits you gave her as parents. Then radical measures: tell to move and live on her own.

thanks

HJW · Answer

It is about time for her to be faced with a bit of harsh realty the sooner the better.
She needs to be on her own and learn what life is all about. You 2 have done a lot already.
Start with transportation's she needs to have her own.
And she can walk your husband should no longer take the bus !
You are going to have to lay the laws down.
She is spoiled and ungrateful.

Karla · Answer

Not being mean but all you are doing is making life harder for this young adult.  They have to know how to live without you.  I know its harder for you then it will be for her to let her go.  But you have to do it for yourselves and mostly for her.  She will be mad at you for a short time but in the long run she will see that this was the best way.  You have created this problem for yourself but it can be fixed and fo it fast or else later in life this person is going to be lost. Hope this helps

Annamarie · Answer

Rent To Own Home - http://RentToOwnHome.uzaev.com/?MaKK

Will · Answer

Best of Luck

What age should a 24 yr. old child have to pay parents rent or find her own place to buy or rent?

9 Antworten