Out of curiousity, what is it like to be depressed?;?

It's not always like this for me, but occasionally it can get so bad that I couldn't imagine anything worse happening to anyone. Like on some days when it would get real bad, any form of torture I could think of would have been better than the mental torture I would be going through. On those days I tended to sink into delusional thinking as well. I would be so certain that I was a lab rat being experimented on and that EVERYONE was just watching and observing me and basically out to get me. I haven't felt that bad in a long time though... Like maybe a few years. I'm not really sure why.

Now, for the majority of the time I just have a usual neutral-low mood. Small things set me of, though. And the worst part is that I know I'm overreacting to these things and that I shouldn't be feeling so strongly over such stupid things (like not being able to go to the grocery store to buy a box of cereal), but I just can't change the way I'm feeling no matter what. And then it just turns into a cycle because I end up feeling even worse because I somehow feel mentally challenged not being able to get over something I know is trivial. This always leads to me absolutely hating myself and being disgusted by my stupid rigid brain. I feel A LOT of anger when I’m depressed. And I usually always blame myself for the cause of my horrible mood.

On days where I just simply overreact to something stupid and end up feeling terrible because of it, it would only last that day or till the next and it would generally consist of a lot of crying and locking myself up in the bathroom. That’s when I feel worst. Days where I’m just sick of everything b/c of something that’s constantly slowly happening around me would last for maybe a week or more and consist of me looking up tons of information on how to perfectly kill myself. After that week or so, I would generally just breakdown and react the same way I described earlier.

Like I said, though, I’m generally on a neutral-low mood and I do get high moods as well. This usually ends up happening over something really stupid as well, though. I’ve also become completely obsessed with killing myself. I’m just constantly thinking about it, mainly for those days where I just have no choice but to attempt to do it. I also have A LOT of trouble sleeping. You can always look up some of the symptoms of depression if you want to btw. I know there are a few that I just don’t have… Like the constantly feeling tired part or appetite. The two generally fluctuate a lot with me, but I do not feel that they are related to my mood at all.

Oh and I’m pretty sure I have some type of social anxiety b/c being around people, especially large groups, makes me feel extremely self-conscious and that generally leads to a very depressing day. Ok, well that’s me. I’m sure everyone’s story’s different, but hopefully you got the general idea.

Ok, this is an edit... I suppose to actually answer your question... The main difference I feel if I wasn't depressed is that I would actually be motivated to do something with my life. I am currently at a university, but I'm just so determined to kill myself before I reach 30 that I simply don't care about my grades or about anything else that happens to me. I'd probably also be a lot more social if I didn't feel this way. I've cut off from almost all my friends now b/c I realize that they all have the potential to hurt me (which they often unintentionally do), so I've just come to realize that the advantages of not having them around outweigh the disadvantages. So basically, if this keeps up, then I'll probably just end up a lonely homeless loser.

Weell, I am 13 and I have had depression since I was nine, I was diagnose with severe depression. I still have it too. I cry all the time, but it might just be me.

Did you know that there are 3 types of thinking, realistic, positive and negative.

An average person thinks like this:

50% realistic

25% negative

25% positive

It is surprising because most people think it is 50% positive thoughts.

A depressed person such as myself thinks like this:

50% negative

25% positive

25% realistic

I am pretty sure there are 3 different types of depression, I think it is mild, severe and I don't know the correct word but it's basically bi-polar, bi-polar is just another name for the 3rd type, It might actually be called manic depression. I am not sure, I only really know about my type of depression, severe. You are diagnosed with severe depression only when you have attempted suicide a number of times, you can't just be sad all the time, you have had to attempted to harm yourself. By the way, I am not emo! I do not slit my wrists! I just... Never mind. I don't want to give ideas! The mild depression, which is what many people actually have is just sadness all the time, like I showed before with the 50% sadness. Also, I would like to say just because you are sad a bit, does not mean you have depression. You can not say that you have it unless a professional dr. has diagnosed you. I am not sure what it is like without depression, I have had it for years now, and I barely remember! But everyone feels sadness. It's just that depressed people feel it so much more.

I must say, I am an extremely happy, girly person. On the outside that is, it's just I hurt a lot inside!

So here is just recapping.

Mild Depression: Sadness, nearly every thought is sad

Severe: Suicidal thoughts, suicidal attempts, many thoughts are sad.

Of course depressed people do feel happy though.

And for anyone that thinks they may have depression, don't diagnose your self, go to a doctor! There is so much help available, counseling, medicine. No one has to no either.

(I found this all out when I did counseling when I was younger)

When you are depressed you feel very hopeless and like you can't be happy. It doesn't necessarily mean that you cry a lot but you may not even have the energy to get up or eat. A lot of those things can become pointless and things start to not matter to you anymore. Things you may have loved before don't really seem as good and other things that made you happy just usually don't

Its not very fun....but I hope that helped.

One of my lecturers described it as having about 4 chronic physical illnesses at once. Depending on how bad it is someone may not be able to even get out of bed in the morning. I used to get out of bed but then cry all morning and go back to bed instead of getting on the train to go to work. Some people may feel as though they are physically completely slowed down and the people around them may even notice their movements have slowed. "Hopelessness" is also a big part of the symptomology, like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, no chance of recovery and no point going on. For me it was a big ache inside that made me want to cry and cry for no real reason, also a huge sense of guilt over the silliest things....

Hope this helps, but for a more clinical perspecive type DSM-IV-TR into google. Its the diagnostic manual for mental illnesses and will give you a detailed idea about symptoms, different types and severities of depression etc.

When you manage to actually get some sleep, you wake up with this emptiness inside, and it doesn't matter what anybody says, or what anybody does, or what you do...you can't ever fill up this empty space inside. You have it throughout the rest of the day, and you try to fill it up...

But the problem is, you have no energy to do so.

Everything's an effort and you feel so hopeless and helpless.

Pain consumes you. You feel dead inside.

Death seems to be your only option; to escape the world you feel is already over for you.

As people have mentioned, you feel as though everybody hates you; you feel ugly and worthless and undeserving.

You become sensitive to everything...little comments people make, you feel are targeted at you.

You think everything is your fault and some punish themselves for it.

Depression is a serious illness...

It hurts.

well i dont know about everyone but in my experience i felt clasterphobic with life in general

i hated everything about myself and felt like nothin was worth the effort anymore

i would just lie or sit and stare at the wall feelin hopeless not eating anything

and of course the crying

its really depressing to talk about (no pun intended)

15 years

Worse part is having no energy/desire to do anything. bathing/brushing teeth is almost impossible.

You avoid social encounters because you don't have the energy to talk.

poor concentration , can't read a book

sleep a lot or can't sleep for days

It's a hell on earth and meds only help a little.

It's like having an endless flu.

It feels like nothing ever goes right, you are worthless, everybody hates you, and you should just die and make everybody happy. You can't concentrate, you have no energy, you don't want to do anything social, and you either can't sleep or sleep way too much.

You feel like everybody hates you, even youre best friends and family. The world is out to get you. So whats the point in livin?

Thats what i remember it like, usually you come through and your like hey, im gonna make my life worth livin.

Depression was a journey I had for a few years, and I came out a better person because of it.