Sister-in-law to be... Need help?

I was actually listening to a radio talk show the other morning that was talking about this topic. It essentially boiled down to this if it's just a girlfriend mind your own business but when it comes to marriage step in. Marriage is forever, or at least it should be. I've also had this conversation with friends and they had the same basic thought. They actually told a friend not to marry someone. The girl wasn't a bad person he just wasn't really in love with her. He had a ring and everything but they told him not to go through with it and in the end he ended up breaking up with her. He is now married to the girl of his dreams and expecting a baby soon. He was only going to marry the first girl simply because he thought he should be married by his age.

That said you must also realize your brother in law is not going to take your opinion kindly even if he knows it is true. You could end up with him hating you.

Another thing one of the DJ's said on the radio show, now his was about a friend not family, but he said he'd rather the person not be a friend then have to spend time with someone that he didn't like that much and was that rude.

I also know how it is for people not to like you for no reason at all. My boyfriend's family seems to not like me and I've always tried to be nice. If you've only met her a couple of times try to hang out again. Also try to get him to wait a little while longer to propose. Weddings are expensive how is he going to pay for it if they get engaged?

Just some thoughts.

First off you both need to mine your own business! Just make the best of it and get alone as well as you can.

My parents dated for one week (7 days), got engaged through the mail my was in the military and they've been married for 60 years and had 19 children!

My wife's sister hates me to no end! She thinks I'm no good for her sister. Funny we've been married 31 years! I purchased 44 acres of land and built my wife the house of her dreams. Just like the movie stars have 24 thousand square feet. The most important part is I treat my wife like a queen, I've never ever hurt her in any way what so ever! We get along just as well now as we did back when we were 14 years old. We got engaged at 17 and married at 18, and her sister is just jealous because no man on this earth will stay with her any longer then 1 hour. 99% of the family hates her, but they love me. She's tried many times to destroy my marriage to her sister. I've had her arrested 4 times, trespassing, assault, running me over, and slander! Now when she comes here for family functions, she is on surveillance cameras the whole time. Every move she makes she being recorded, due to her own stupidity! You would think after 31 years she would give it up but she doesn't. She called the other day and she didn't know it but her parents were here at the time. So I put the phone on speaker phone when I answered it. And I said hello, she started right away calling me a jerk, worthless piece of ****, bastard, abusive, and that she wanted to kill me. Her father was so mad at her he spoke up right away. She darn near died at that point, he told her now she is off their will completely that is it. She has caused enough trouble in this family that she is no longer on the will and she no longer welcomed to their home any more. The bull hit the fan only because she does not like me at all and never will! It hurts my wife tremendously but what can you do, I stay away from her sister as much as possible but this is my home and when she comes here to visit I'm not leaving!

So keep your nose out of your brother in laws business. Let him learn the hard way, if you say something it's only going to cause trouble!

I know this is much longer then it should be with more then there should be. But it just shows you what things could lead up to if people are not careful! In anger we don't always act properly or think straight.

You've gotten some great ideas here! I do think that if anything is said at all, it should be your hubby and his bro alone. You might have a great relationship with the BIL, but this is too sensitive a topic for you to weigh in on, and he might feel like he's getting gang tackled. And your bro should express his feelings in terms of *I* (not *we*) unless he's specifically asked what you think.

If nothing else, maybe your hubby can get him to promise that the engagement won't be as short as the pre-engagement. And then, as others have said, be polite, but distant. You can't avoid her, but you're not under any obligation to seek her out, either.

Easiest answer-you just do it. Mind your own business, and try to be pleasant when she is around.

It happens often. Families don't get along, new members are hard to deal with. But if you say anything, it will turn into a drama-fest and right now, the brother-in-law will choose her over you two.

He has to make his own mistake to see 2 months is too soon. Your hubby could try to talk to him calmly and tell him to wait awhile, but in no way should it seem confrontational or it will only push your bro-in-law away. In no circumstance should anyway say anthing bad about the gf. It is not anyones place to judge, and the bro-in-law will defend her.

Good luck

Dear one, accept the fact that BIL is an adult and free to marry the girl of his choice - even if it is a poor choice (as this girl seems to be).

Although you are perfectly right to set limits at your own home, shut your mouths when you're elsewhere with her. Let her make the fool of herself. At your house you can tell her to abide by your rules or leave.

Better yet, don't invite them to your house. Instead, go to interesting little restaurants tha are not expensive - but offer a different selection of fare. At least SIL won't be able to jibe you on your taste in food. Just keep her out of your house.

But say nothing. Always be sweet and kind and gracious around her. Let her make a jerk of herself - in private or public. Eventually, if you are lucky, BIL will have his fill of this twerp and break up with her. But if not, all you can do is remain quiet and demure. Not easy but you need to do it.

But keep her out of your house.

You be nice to her (like "cup of tea" nice). You carry on like normal with the brother-in-law and you try to include her in your conversations and you be friendly. Don't give the girl any reason to get the brother-in-law angry at you guys.

But I would pull her up short on talking to me like a child, if I was your husband. When she does that he should look at her and either say "No need to talk to me like a child" or "No need to be so condescending" or something! Don't be rude or obnoxious to her, be nice but don't let her treat him like that. You could do similar things for her racist remarks, just tell her that you don't appreciate such remarks and you'd rather she keep them to herself. And everytime she makes a racist remark, remind her that it's not something you want to hear. You don't have to put up with things like that, it doesn't matter who she is.

Hopefully she'll stop being such a rude racist or your brother-in-law will see that what you're saying is the truth.

Good luck!

wow tht chick sounds CRAZY!! if u dont like her maybe u should try telling your brother and maybe he will understand....otherwise maybe you should talk with her and try to straighten everything out a little...who knows it might actually work. I feeel so bad for you to have to go threw all this stress maybe you should try to tel her to act her age or tell her that she cant talk to your husband like that. take control! goodluck:]