Is this a legitimate ultimatum?

I would say that "ultimatum" isn't the right word. The word is "dealbreaker." One wanting kids and the other not wanting them is a dealbreaker. It's not something you can compromise on. It's not something that one member of the couple should go into half-heartedly. It's not a matter for an ultimatum per se, because ultimatum implies "do what I say or I'll leave." You're not trying to get her to do what you say, because that's no way to convince someone to have a child. Sounds more like you love her, and you're hoping she'll change her mind. But it also sounds like she's stated her view pretty clearly, and she loves you and is equally hoping you'll change your mind. If neither of you can change your mind, then I think that's that for the relationship. :-(

You are absolutely in the right. This is a huge deal. If you knew she did not want kids you probably would not have married her because that is something in life you are not willing to give up. Well if I were you I would not compromise being a father. That is something you will forever regret and you will resent her forever and never have a good marriage. Having children will be the most amazing experience above anything else. The idea of giving that up would be devastating and I would not give that up for anyone. Hopefully she will change. My sister did the same thing to her husband and he was promised we will start a family after we are married, then it was after we sell the house then it was after move into our new house then it was I don't want kids. He was devastated and crushed and now they sadly divorced because of her empty promise and selfishness.

Okay, I have two kids with my husband because we both always wanted kids. In the beginning we agreed on 5 kids, if I changed my mind now do you think my husband has the grounds to say "...but we agreed on 5 kids? You either have them or I can't be with you." Buddy, people especially women change their minds sometimes on any matter. You married for bette or worse. You can work out this problem without using an ultimatum. An ultimatum is basically backing someone into a corner and you should never do that to your wife especially if you love her.

Unless you are trying to find any excuse to leave your wife, you can work out this situation. I have to tell you, there are couples who divorce over cheating and abuse... divorce for your reason is imo cruel especially if she truly loves you too.

Absolutely not, you are not wrong. If you agreed, BEFORE marriage, that kids were a part of the deal, and know she's changed her mind, you have every right to be upset with her. If she won't give you children, and you want children, you have no other option but to divorce and start a family with someone else. It sounds harsh, but SHE and YOU both knew the objectives when you got married. Good luck.

She is scared of something and you need to get to the bottom of it. If she wanted kids before you got married, then I'm sure something big has occurred within her life to change that dream.

I wouldn't get a divorce for this...she will change her mind once you address her fears. I suggest counseling...through a church perhaps if you are a member of one.

In the meantime don't go doing anything stupid like poking holes in condoms or switching out birth control pills.

Just curious...but did she tell you why she doesn't want to have kids now?

Is having kids something you agreed on before you two got married?....If so, she misled you..and you have every right to be upset. Maybe you could try marital counseling and see if she can work past her issues in regard to having kids and come to some sort of agreement (like only having 1 child). If she still refuses you, then there's your answer....and she's not going to change..Life is too short and if you want kids, you need to find a woman who really wants to have kids with you and not just because she wants to please you..I wish you the best of luck.......

Ultimatums are pretty much the last resort of a failing relationship. If she doesn't want to have kids maybe rather than telling her "kids or GTFO" you should find out why she doesn't want any. Honestly, I don't blame her. Maybe she's afraid they'll turn out like you

You are not wrong. If you want kids, you need to be married to a woman that wants kids. And she needs to be married to someone who's childfree by choice.

I wish you the best in resolving your situation with the best possible outcome.

no

you may want to figure out why she has a change of heart

but get ready to lose the house in a divorce if you brought it together

since if she is set in her ways

then divorce is the only option

there is no gray area or area of compromise on this one

you can't be half pregnant

You are not wrong! This is unfortunate for you but she should not have children if she does not want any. They really need to be wanted by both parents. I wish you the best and hope that you find someone who does want children.