older men answer only!?

Try talking to him. Personally I find many woman want their men to be mind readers when it comes to sex.

I don't understand his lack of imagination, In my case I have always more or less sensed what my girlfriends wanted, and it wasn't unusual to be thanked.

If he is intimidated by you there is little you can do, apart from trying to find a way to put him at his ease, I can't understand a man of his years being intimidated by you wishing to be "won" I have always found it to be the best part, and found it an achievement to get her to "screaming pitch" before a glorious finale.

I honestly wish that I could help you to both enjoy what is special in life, because I see it more than just sex, for the sake of it, every time is a new adventure to me.

Only hope you get more help from someone else, than can give you.

Maybe he was burned in his past and is afraid you will do the same if he gets too close. By the way, sex was originally intended, besides being the way to reproduce, as an expression of love between a married couple. It wasn't supposed to be done by people who just "shack up" or run around like a neighborhood dog mating with all the other dogs in heat. That also could be his problem -- he knows you aren't married and doesn't want to be intimate because of it. I suggest you calmly sit down with him and discuss it. One way or another, you will need to get it resolved for your relationship to continue. Also I suggest that you read in the Bible 1 Corinthians 13 "The Love Chapter" as a guide in dealing with this issue where it says love is patient and kind and seeks not its own way at the expense of others. It isn't boastful or proud and always believes in the positive....

why ISN'T he doing those things anyway???

sounds like you need more foreplay... ;)

as a man of 40, i have NEVER been intimidated by a woman sexually... but if i was failing in some way, i would appreciate a heads up that something is missing...

You don't. You've got a guy there who just wants to go to work for his paycheck, drink beer with the buddies, go fishing or whatever when he wants, and dreads to doing the chores. And to top it all off he wants sex at a minimal togetherness just to get his rocks off, and whisper to you occasionally he thinks you're great or whatever. You call it intimidating him. I call it "baiting" him in to wanting to be sexually experimental and responsive to your needs. If you have to initiate the sex to get him to respond, then so be it. But to do it provocatively, in ways he's not used to may peak his interest and get him recharged.

All you can do is talk to him and hope he doesn't freak. He shouldn't, he should want to know these things.