I am a Female adult survivor of sexual childhood abuse who has strong feelings to being male?

As far as I know there's no evidence of abuse causing anything like this. Hormones in the womb is a more likely explanation.

In any case, do whatever you like. You're a grown woman in a free country.

Seems logical that as a child you wanted to be a strong male so that this wouldn't happen to you.

Little did you know that males get abused as well.

Identification with strong male figure and rejection of "weak" female figure.

Hmmm depends on your sexual orientation.

(For the record my mom had the same painful issues, she sees herself as a manly woman while everyone else just sees a stubborn woman :) She had a hard time accepting my "femininity" since she feared for my safety and thought it all so alien to her. She is now slowly coming to terms with her womanhood and she is 65.

Maybe it would be handy to define how you see yourself right now and to collect info on how others see you and why.

From then you could do activities that are stereo typical male or woman and see how you feel and what you reject. Do you have any transsexuals in your neighborhood who you can ask how they came to their decision and what it is like?

Best wishes

Do what you gotta do to be happy.