Do you like my poem 'Frosty Morning in the Dell'?

Question

Frosty morning in the dell
Whitened where the nights snow fell
Fresh crisp footprints can be seen
Showing where humans have been.

They watch from central heated lounge
As furry creatures cluster round
The pond where there upon the ice
Scattered birdseed temptingly lies.

The thin ice of the goldfish pond
Too thin for squirrels to walk on
No creatures with imagination
Will risk an icy inundation

A hedgehog reaches out a paw
Tired of waiting for the thaw
Makes his move, no turning back
And the ice shatters with a crack

The laughter is profound and plain
Laughing at the creatures pain
As agonised he slowly dies
Frozen by the treacherous ice.

And by the pond stands a Bird table.
Badly fixed and quite unstable
As birds peck hungrily at their food
They find it's to the table glued.

And for whom this grim tableau
Why OAPs I'm sure you know
Sitting warm despite the weather
patiently awaiting the grim reaper

Cameron · Accepted Answer

its good

Lapiz Dominoes. · Answer

It`s  really a  very good poem depicting somehing truly horrible;
I can only assume the OAP`s have Alzheimers as most older people
I`ve met get more frantic at the damage to animals now they`ve more time to think about it;
Where I live only the OAP`s break the law to feed the birds...
an aging  relative of mine called in distress some time recently
after watching a t.v.documentary @ global warming...
the cameras focused upon polar bears falling into the sea
dying  - trying to get to food
but did not think to throw some food for them.

I am dismayed, sickened  and all by the topic you have graphically poem-ed
yet for poetic value..

8.3/10.


)punctuation, minor typo., Verse 5., Line 2.,...`creatures` pain`.

Anonym · Answer

Good imagery and good use of rhyme - but the rhyme seems a bit too "overly done" and sounds too forced in certain areas. Good read though :)

Do you like my poem 'Frosty Morning in the Dell'?

3 Antworten