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need some desperate HELP with homework!!!!?
right, i've created a story for my A-Level coursework and i need to improve it, because quite frankly it's a load of crap.
i want to keep the same story line but change the plot a little because it's due in tomorrow! it needs to be 1500 words so i can't go in to too much detail!
right the plot is about a 10 year old orphan who has lived in a care home his whole life; the story starts with him getting abused by a care worker called Margret to which he is sent to his room. In hs room he begins to talk to his imaginary friend; a young peculiar child. His imaginary friend directs him out of the window and towards the forest outside the care home. Scared and confused the boy follows his imaginary friend only to get lost and fall over. Once he falls, he sees he has tripped over a dead body.. after much confusion he recognises the body belongs to his imaginary friend Andy to which he realises his imaginary friend is actually a ghost who was killed by the head care worker Margret. After a care worker named John runs after the boy, he finds him standing next to the body. He calls the police, who find out that the Margret murdered Andy through forensic evidence, the care home is closed and the boy is adopted by John and lives happily ever after.
I just don't feel comfortable with this story, can anyone give me some suggestions to adjust the plot to make it more interesting.. maybe like a donnie darko plot, or something good becuase my teacher didn't particularly like it either
just to clarify i'm an English A-Level student so i am fairly good at writing creatively! just need a good plot and etc!
4 Antworten
- Anonymvor 9 JahrenBeste Antwort
Maybe instead of John running after the boy, have margret running after him and then the orphan accidently killing her, and John watches and then he calls the police and tells them lies and says marget commited suicide and then John adops the orphan and they live happily ever after:)
- Anonymvor 9 Jahren
Good grief! Abuse, dead bodies, ghosts, killings. I am not surprised your teacher doesn't go for this. Why oh why do you write about things (hopefully) you have never experienced??? It sounds worse than the current story lines in East Enders and Corrie put together.
As an English teacher I tell my students to write about what they know - by doing that you will craft a story that is credible and good to read. Only when you can produce a good piece like this should you move on to dead bodies etc. Teachers get tired of reading such essays because unless you are very very good at creating atmosphere you are snookered. Believe me!
hope that helps.
- vor 5 Jahren
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- vor 9 Jahren
the orphan could be mad and think its an imaginary friend but its a real person and he kills him :o