Can you make my cover letter ?

Dear Scottrade,

I lack the literacy and the wit to write anything that would convince you that I could walk and talk at the same time, let alone hold down a job at your establishment. In addition to this, I am both lazy and unimaginative, a combination of personality traits that led to me asking a floating diaspora of bored opinionated keyboard jockeys to create a winning and cogent letter which would seduce you into offering me an interview. Perhaps through idiocy, perhaps from a desire to get my respondees to use their imaginations, I neglected to provide even the most basic details about myself.

Quite what would have happened when I turned up, and it was found that I could not English speak, I dare not imagine. Perhaps I could learn on the job, working at the customer service desk or as a telephone sales 'executive'.

I look forward to your response, even though I won't be able to read it because I cannot English speak. I can't read this letter either, so I hope it's a good one.

Yours in Christ

I would love someone to help me too as I am trying to make out a cv for a few jobs I want to apply for.(recently lost my job) :(

If you do not 'english speak' why apply for a 'english speak' job? :|

If you really want to get this job, you have to be a pedantic person !

I will

jackericsson90@yahoo.co.uk