why don't i feel alive?

Question

i can easily find happiness just by washing my face i can have satisfaction or smiling but it always goes away.
i believed that was due to my wrong ways of living so i seeked religon and found happiness and knowledge that i could use to keep me happy but i lose the feeling or sometimes i can be sadistic to myself like i dont deserve it.
i get cranky but i dont like it but i can't stop it either but if i was alive i could control myself.
i masturbate i don't like it but i do ,if i was alive i'd stop and live my life.
i listen to depressing music to feel safe in my sad grey cloud of lonleyness in my dark room.
i listen to refreshing music but i stop due to being sadistic to myself or a feeling of uneasyness.
i cry, it makes me feel safe.
i see people with my own eyes who need my help but i don't give it because i don't feel alive and i fear if i take action i wouldn't feel safe anymore in my quiet storm of thoughts.
i like going outside to smell the river breeze but i feel like i don't deserve it.

my loss of feeling is due to a long layering of lonely thoughts and i've lived too long in imagination what could i do to regain feeling? i know the answer but i wont talk to myself any longer..

Anonym · Accepted Answer

This is a lot of stress for anyone to handle!! You need to realize that life is here for you to enjoy. It seems you have NOT really been doing that because of all the negativity your describing here. 

You just asked yourself, "Why don't I feel alive?", well you just answered your own question. 

BECAUSE OF YOUR " long layering of lonely thoughts". What you could do to retain your feeling at all times is, try thinking more positively all the time. INSTEAD OF having lonely thoughts, think of or picture yourself with happy positive people, smiling. Focus on things that make you feel better and happy in life. If you feel suicidal or depressed all the time, YOU NEED TO GET HELP, so that you can get past this!!

Watch a movie called "Thes Secret" it could help

also, look up "law of attraction quotes" on google.com

research the "law of attraction" and "the secret"

Try to be happier and good luck

DreamWeaver · Answer

My suggestion would be to print out what you have written and take it to a good therapist. You can go to a religious one if you want, just make sure that they are a licensed therapist. You need help to stop having such anger toward yourself, and learn to love yourself. Please go get help now.

Anonym · Answer

You need a drink or a womwn  -  that's all :)

why don't i feel alive?

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