how can i survive with this?

hey , i honestly don't know anymore.. i feel like i'm saved , but sometimes don't act like it. My family and i have moved around in the past so much ... and an old friend of mine told me if i'm mad at God for that it would make me much angrier ? or somthing? i struggle so much with being depressed all the time. It's not funny. I don't trust alot of people. Anyone can let me down except for God... but how can i trust God more ? by just reading my bible ? i struggle with it so much.. and i've moved from a different country to another country while i was a teenager. Now i'm an adult. But i still struggle with it . i can't fall in love anymore because once i get really close to a guy i like.. i sort of get scared and want him to leave me alone. is that normal? what kind of depression do i have ? It's so hard for me to move on.. sometimes i tell people i'm okay when i'm really not just to make them leave me alone.. and not to bother me at all. what can i do ? I'm not phsycho but i'm not sure what to do.