Have people never been to a party where they paid for their own meal?

I can see your point of view.

If I knew that it was lieu of a gift and I was fore-warned then I wouldn't have a problem with it or even be offended. Also, if I knew that the bride and groom were saving money for a house or something then I'd be more than happy to pay my way. I go to weddings for the celebration of joy not for the free food or drinks.

The only time I would be offended is if I went to the wedding and I saw that they'd lavished a mint of money on the decor, venue, dress, invited the entire phone book etc. But if it's a smaller and less formal wedding and didn't cost me an arm and a leg then sure.

This is actually quite similar to the whole cash-bar question and I think that it's very much about personal taste and what you've been brought up to know is good manners at such an event. The people who get offended are the ones who grew up differently and aren't flexible.

And I think that the wedding is perceived as different because it is generally seen as being a more formal once-in-a-life-time event.

Good question btw!

Do you invite people to your home and then charge them to eat and drink? No. Would you be offended if someone asked you to pay first? More than likely. A wedding is just large-scale dinner party and should be treated the same. Guests do not pay for anything, period, except their own transportation and accomodations.

If you truly cannot afford a full meal for everyone, either cut the guest list to those you can afford to pay for or have a dessert reception at a non-meal time.

A wedding is a specific, hosted event whereas a more casual get together is not. It's rude to ask wedding guests to pay for their own meals. The host should either scale back the reception (such as just serving punch and cake) or invite fewer guests. Also, you cannot ask people to pay for their meal in lieu of gifts because gifts are not required and should not be expected.

When they have to pay for your own food, the word "guest" no longer applies. They become co-hosts.

I've gone out to dinner for someones birthday and paid for myself. But - at these dinners, we were the hosts, we were taking the birthday person out for his/her birthday, and therefore he/she did not have to pay.

You are the host of your own wedding, and you need to host the wedding that you can afford. Even if it is in place of gifts, it is considered rude to tell anyone "I expect you to get [whatever] for a gift." Registry info shouldn't be put on invites, you should never specifically ask for money, and charging guests for their plate would be another way of asking for money. It is just an etiquette blunder.

You may not mind it, but you are in the minority.

honestly, i think it would be rude

why would the guests have to pay for their own meals AT YOUR party?

the guests didn't go to your party to be paying for their dinner

they went there to celebrate the newlyweds!

its better for the guests to bring gifts, then paying for their own dinner

if i went to a wedding like that, i would feel like i was in a restaurant instead of a wedding

Because they are already missing a day of work, paying for gas, air fare, and possibly lodging, buying you a present.... and then they get to the wedding and find out they have to pay for the meal themselves???? I've personally never been to a "party" where people had to pay for their own food. I'd turn around and leave if I ended up at one. I have gone to birthday dinners at restaurants before where we paid our own way... but we knew that ahead of time and we picked whatever we wanted. At a wedding, you don't have much of a choice of what you're going to eat and if it sucks, you're out X dollars.

In my opinion, if they can't afford to feed their guests, and have an open bar, then they shouldn't be having a wedding. I mean, for crying out loud people are buying you gifts and giving you money, for no reason, and the bride and groom don't even have the decency to buy dinner and drinks. Could they be more ungrateful! People are nice enough to even show up, they should be fed and watered.

So wait. Are you saying you think it's okay to be invited to a wedding reception, get there and find out you have to pay to eat? Where are you having the reception? The Olive Garden? Guests basically pay for their meals with gifts and money at your wedding.

So, I get invited to your wedding. I get you a nice card and a $100 check. You are also expecting me to pay for my meal to?

Birthday and dinner parties are not the same as a wedding reception. If you can't afford dinner for you guests, then come up with a different solution. Maybe a pot luck, or a dessert only reception.

It is extremely tasteless to invite people to your wedding reception and expect them to pay for their meal. If you can't afford to feed them, then don't have it. Wait until you get the funds.

I could see that if you had a small reception at a restaurant and people didn't bring gifts.

But really if you were having a wedding that small I think you could reserve the money to feed everyone a meal. As I see it, I am asking them to be a guest at my wedding and for coming I want to treat them and thank them with food and a good time.

When my mom got married they just had their reception at a restaurant but they picked up the tab for food and non-alcoholic drinks.

I guess I see the thing as kind of holding the guest hostage. Sort of like "You are welcome to come celebrate with us but you have to pay for doing so"

It just feels weird. I don't know that I really have a logical reason. Maybe for me it's just because that just isn't what is usual.