AP's, how did you first bring up adoption to your child?

I think the "talking about it in passing" is a great way to start -- and as the child is able to understand more, you can keep talking about it so he/she knows the lines of communication are open... and add additional info to the "in passing" conversations as appropriate.

This is what we've done and it's opened the door to more in-depth conversations without having to sit him down an having a "big talk." Since he was little when we've looked at a world map or globe, we've pointed out where we live... and also where he was born. When we've had contact with expectant mothers, we've talked about how babies grow inside mothers till their ready to be born... but that he grew inside his other mother's belly, not mine, but then we adopted him. Admittedly, he didn't "get that" a age 4, but he's 8 now and he understands it now. We've had to revisit/repeat many topics, but his understanding grows a little more each time... and we've never had a big "sit down" talk with him.

I am not familiar with the movie August Rush, but perhaps that would be a good doorway to open some topics. Then you can always say, "Remember when we talked about ____, I was also thinking about..."

When my children where little we read and still read some books about adoption. We have always made it a common word in our home and even when we brought our puppy home 2 years ago we used it as a time to explain adoption. I guess I never wanted to keep it from them and did not know what the right time would be to tell them 10, 12, 16 it just seemed it would be a big shock to them if we waited. So there adoption story was and is a part of there birth story. We where there when my children where born and I have always told them they grew in our hearts but in another women's belly. They do on occasion ask questions and I answer them truthfully my son asked me two weeks ago "what was the name of the lady who's tummy I grew in?" I answered it and he was off playing without a second thought. I want my children to know that we are comfortable talking about it. And if they decide to find her when they get older I will be supportive and give them all the info I have. We went to see a movie tonight and at the end of the movie the children get adopted it is so common in society today that there is no reason to keep it a secret besides it is a part of there life story.

My toddler is just 2.4 and i often read 2 books to her 1) Blessing from above 2) How you were adopted. Both stories fit very accurately with her story and we read it to her when its reading time.

As of now she has very little understanding of most things( i know people would love to argue and generalise with me that a 2.4 understands a lot.....well i know my child and you don't ) and we keep it simple.

I have learnt from this board not to use the "she loved you so she gave you away line" and i am still processing many things i read here from adoptee POV.

I yet don't know how to best handle the conversation (when story time leads to questions from her )and would like to keep reading all responses from the AP's and adoptees.

ETA- I'd like to mention the book "blessing from above is the story of Momaroo with and empty pouch and a baby bird falls into her pouch from a tree from a nest that has a nest full of baby birds and no space for another baby. Mama bird looks down and sees that her baby is warm and safe in the Kangroos pouch.She blesses them and they hop away happily. I liked the book as it has elemets from her life that her birth mama's nest was full and 5th baby she had no resources to handle. And she opted for adoption.

My children had been living in an orphanage for a couple of years and remember their first parents, so we have all talked about adoption from day one.

My children *love* Lilo and Stitch and still repeat the phrase used in the movie "Ohana means family--nobody gets left behind or forgotten." We talk about adoption as we watch television and around the dinner table--pretty much anywhere/any time they bring it up. My children noticed that Hercules was adopted when we watched that movie together and it provided us a nice opportunity to talk about adoption.

We have read many books about adoption to them, the younger kids enjoy "A Mother for Choco" and they all like the book written by Mr. Rogers. Neither of the books presents a full (or necessarily accurate) portrayal of the adoption experience, but as we read them we talk about them. It gives my children a chance to talk about adoption in a non-threatening way.

We have read (and have on hand) more appropriate books for them to read when they get a bit older, but for now the books we read are more about creating a space to talk about their feelings than trying to explain the complexities of adoption.

He was six when he moved in and said "hello I am your adopted son".

If he was with us from birth, adoption would have been part of regular language and it would not be a thing to "first bring up".

It started when she was a toddler and old enough to listen to bedtime stories. I wove together a tale of a beautiful young woman and a handsome young man who together made a child. The story included how the young woman was already raising a little girl and how worried she was about being able to give her second child everything she needed. She loved her baby girl very much.

Meanwhile, not far away Mommy and Daddy were trying to make a baby but something was wrong and it didn't work. So one day the beautiful young woman met Mommy and Daddy and they liked each other very much and ...

Every element of the story was true. (Her natural mother really is beautiful and her natural father is handsome, she has an older sister, and we were infertile.) She loved to hear the "Story of J". As she grew, the story evolved to meet her maturity level. Now that she's almost ten we know longer tell stories, we simply talk.

We have a fully open adoption so she knows her natural mother, her aunts, and her siblings. Since she has known the truth since she was old enough to understand, she's seems to be very well adjusted.

Our agency was excellent in terms of support and advice and they held seminars and workshops and one of the themes was how to talk to your child about adoption and when to begin. As our daughter is Chinese, our physical differences put adoption on display, so they encourage parents to start talking about adoption from day one. We met our daughter when she was 9 months old and I very clearly remember being alone with her for the first time in our hotel room and my husband and I were gushing how happy we were to adopt her and have her be a part of our family. Obviously she had no clue what we were talking about, but it was a beginning. As she got a little older we would play the video of when she was placed in our arms and we would talk to her about that and reiterate that adopting her was the most incredible and happiest moment of our lives.

i'm little at a loss for words by capacity of lots of the responses asserting that the tax credit became meant for and could basically be available to those adopting from the foster equipment. The tax credit can basically be used to reimburse the adoptive mother and father for money they spent out of pocket for eligible adoption expenses regarding the adoption technique itself. (honestly you could basically be reimbursed for money you fairly spent on expenditures) considering the fact that adopting from foster-care calls for adoptive mother and father to pay little or no adoption expenditures (many times a pair hundred money if any), then how could those families extremely income from the tax credit, and why could they pass as much as $11,000 in reimbursements if this became their basically meant purpose? additionally, adoptive mother and father do no longer recieve any of credit back till they report taxes for the three hundred and sixty 5 days while the adoption became finalized. We did no longer recieve any of the tax credit a reimbursement till over a three hundred and sixty 5 days after our oldest son arrived abode. families who have not got the money to cover the area of the charges lined by capacity of the tax credit will nevertheless could get a private loan, borrow money from kinfolk, etc, till the get the a reimbursement in many situations a million- 5 yrs later (reckoning on how lots they owe. in taxes) I additionally don''t understand how a kinfolk would desire to "donate the ten ok to a mom, who's in any different case in good condition, to advance her baby? somewhat of adopting him/her?" -If the kinfolk did no longer undertake the baby then there could be no expenditures to reimburse, and that they might not be eligible for the tax credit, so how could they provide that money to the mummy? additionally, in our case poverty became no longer the clarification our baby's birthmothers placed them for adoption, social stigmas in an extremely conservative subculture have been regrettably a tremendous area of the clarification, which money can no longer substitute. notwithstanding if it have been the undertaking and we've been waiting to get the money to offer to them, considering the fact that their first mothers stay in Seoul, the third costliest city interior the international, I doubt that $10,000 could do lots to assist a single mom and baby, extraordinarily considering the fact that no different social welfare classes could be offered to assist them after the money became long gone (in all risk approximately 6 months later)

We started talking to our kids about their adoptions before they were old enough to really understand. We have several children's books about adoption that we read to them, and we also look through their photo albums at pictures of them when they were in Korea with their foster-mothers, and when they came home and joined our family.

Our oldest is 3 and just starting to understand. He knows that he has an Ooma (mother in Korean), and a foster-Ooma in Korea, and the very basic toddler-appropriate story of how he joined our family.

I'm not an adoptive parent .... however, my dad was adopted, and my sister gave up a baby for adoption, so in a way, I've been on both sides of the situation.

My dad said he always really knew. When he was five, they adopted his younger sister, and he says during the time she was being adopted, they were clear that's the same way he came to them. He said he remembers them telling him where they were when the call came. (They had been at his aunts wedding, and the phone was ringing when they got home, saying they had a baby boy to pick up).

The parents of my sisters baby keep in regular touch with her. They call her to let her know how baby is doing, she sees pictures on occasion. And in his case, he may not know who mommy is, but they aren't going to keep it a secret that he was adopted.