Should I just let her go? Women, can you help me?

Question

I have been dating a woman for a while now.  She has been seperated from her husband since February and tells me that she doesn't love him anymore.  She also tells me that she has never experienced a love like ours and that she wants to move on with our relationship.   I have met her children, her sisters and brother as well as her parents and friends and they all seem to really like me and have told her that they think we make a great couple.

The problem, however, is that occasionally she will start to cry and tell me that she feels guilty about leaving her husband and she wonders if the right thing to do is go back to him.  She tells me that she doesn't love him but that she just feels guilty.

Should I just listen to her, allow her to vent and hope that is all it is?  Maybe she just is having these feelings and they are just temporary.
Or should I tell her that we can't see each other until she can sort all of this out?  This option is very scary as I am afraid that I will lose her forever and I really love her.

Any input you can give, especially from women, is appreciated..

Rumplestilskin · Accepted Answer

I've been in this EXACT same situation. I was her. She's conflicted, that is all. Leaving a marriage involving children is a VERY hard decision. And she is struggling with it. View this is a good thing. That means she has a conscience. So she's a good person at heart. Ok, now as to what to do with your relationship. If you truly love her, DO NOT leave her. Stay with her but DO NOT try to be her counseling. Just be supportive, let her vent/cry when she needs to. At those moments, the best thing to do is hold her in your arms and just let her cry it out. She has to resolve these feelings on her own.  The chances are, she will stay with you and not go back to her marriage. However, there is  VERY small chance that you are a rebound for her. You're taking a risk, but if you truly love her, then it's worth the possible down side. GOod luck!

Anonym · Answer

I have the same problem as your girlfriend i have the problem of feeling guilty because of my kid i just have a special thing for him even though we dont get along and are relationship didnt work i still feel something that probably wont go a way for a while! you just need to let her know she is loved i know if  i had a wonderfull new guy that could treat me good and take me away from all the drama and fighting i would be very happy!!! but she left him for a reason right? If     she did then tell her  you love her make her feel special in all the ways that he forgot too!!!!
                                            good luck

Anonym · Answer

Listen to her and try to tell her that she deserves to be in a happy, healthy relationship. Ask her why she feels guilty, why did her and her husband split up? It will not be good for her OR her kids if she stays in a bad relationship. Ask her if she really loves you and if she wants to stay with you, if she says yes, then you need to tell her to get divorced so  that you two can move on. Good luck.

alison · Answer

I say give her time.  We ALL second guess major decisions in out lives...ESPECIALLY when they so greatly effect out children.  It's drilled into parents heads that it's best to have both parents in the same house, and that at times leads parents to make (or not make or second guess) important decisions.  Give her time to sort it out but don't cut ties during that time, she needs someone by her side during this.  Try to reinforce her good decisions but be careful not to let your own feelings interfere with what are good choices for her. I have a child and I do second guess leaving her Father for the sake of how it's effected my child, BUT then I remind myself how much worse she would be effected if I had stayed with him. All kind of depends on WHY they split in the first place.

Anonym · Answer

Tell her how you feel about her if you don't want to lose her forever. But if she left her husband and doesn't love him any more then there really isn't a reason of her to get back to him. Tell her the past is the past and the best is yet to come with you.

Bag Lady · Answer

Well if she is talking to him and he makes her feel guilty then you may have some problems.  If she just feels guilty on her own and no one is putting that in her head she still has feelings for him.  Ask her what she wants.  Give her time to sort it all out.  Best of luck.

ms_dr_heart · Answer

Was she in an abusive relationship? Wether or not, it sounds as if she needs counseling.

You sound like a really great guy and I sincerely hope you both the best.

Anonym · Answer

If her and her husband just separated less than a year and have kids it is very hard for her to just get over him especially if they have  kids together after all he is the father to her kids so yes it would be difficult for her just tell her you want to slow things up so she get get everything situated in her life so y'all  can move on in yours

Magnitude · Answer

You kinda save to be selfish in the situation. Be her friend for now until she came make a permanent decision. Otherwise you will just end up hurt if end the end she doesn't chose you.

AlbelTheWicked · Answer

Just try your best to comfort her, talk to her about it and try to make her feel better.
I wouldn't suggest leaving her, it would make her feel even worse. 
Just wait it out, and hopefully she can eventually get over it.

                              I wish you luck =D

Should I just let her go? Women, can you help me?

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