newspaper article?

Question

we have to write a newspaper article about a car wreck..can s.o. pls check gramma or give some tips how I could improve the text?

Disabled young man in Riverside highway car crash

Trucker saved student's life in fatal car crash 

Last Night Paul White, 23-years-old student, 
was critically injured in a car accident 
on Riverside Freeway, Route 91. 

Yeasterday, Jack Robenson, truck driver, found a car wreck on his way home, about 130 miles eastwest Orange on the State Route 91, California. Close to the car wreck, on the verge of the two-lane, he discovered the injured Paul White, who was lying nearby the scene of the accident by the side of the road. According to Jack Robenson, the accident victim was covered in blood all over. At 11:15 p.m., 40 min after the truck driver found the young student, ambulance arrived and brought him to Riverside.

"The injured had strong internal bleedings, serious laceration and two fractured vertebra. The patient is still in critical condition.", reported Dr. Larsen, head of General Acute Care department.

The accident cause is not detected yet but medical examination can exclude any suspicion of driving while indoxicatied.

hope · Accepted Answer

Some of the obvious errors I noticed were:

Too much comma usage. If you read any news article, usually there are short sentences - not connected with commas. 

- "Yeasterday*, Jack Robenson, truck driver, found a car wreck on his way home, about 130 miles eastwest Orange on the State Route 91, California." *correction on "yesterday"

I would do it like this: Yesterday, California truck driver Jack Robensen found a car wreck on his way home approximately 130 miles eastwest Orange on the State Route 91.

- "...covered in blood all over."
It sounds like something a 5-year old would say. "...covered in blood," would do just fine.

- "...ambulance arrived"
Would 'an' ambulance be better?

- In the quote you have by Dr. Larsen, vertebrae is the term used for plural vertebra. Also, the comma always goes inside of the quotations. "The patient is still in critical condition," reported Dr. Larsen.

Other than that, it sounds great! Good luck!

marcia · Answer

Yes, I have plenty in the cellar. 1969 Mets 1969 Jets 1969 Man on the Moon 1962 Cuban Missle Crisis 1963 Kennedy assassination 1957 Dodgers going to LA 1957 Giants going to SF 1979 Iranian hostages 1988 Gary Carter's 300th HR 1983 Mets trade for Keith Hernandez 1977 Mets trade Tom Seaver 1986 Mets 1986 Giants 1998 Mets trade for Mike Piazza 9/11/01

newspaper article?

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