if i was going to ask you for advice?? what would it be?

First off if people can learn to read, it was never said once in that question that the son hates his father. The whole point of this email is to better herself for the sake of her son and family now. I mean Jesus...In my opinion once you come to terms with your fellings towards his father you will then be able to have peace in your own life. I agree that it is about your son and not you but there is times that if your not completely content within your self you tend to make everyone and everything around you miserable. Yuo have to disguish to different attitudes. You will in time forgive him you will just never forget. Learn that he can not control you or your feelings anymore. The past is the past and you left him for a reason. Leave him and that life in the past and better yourself and your child. Just say to yourself you have no power over me and just smile. The more you show him that he has no effect or power over you is when he will just back off because he can't get to you anymore. And for the time being kill him with kindness just bite your tounge and show him you are better than wht he has made you over these 8 years.

Okay, I think its a matter of acceptance. A friend of mine once said, "he's an azzhole, accept it". So, that's what I say to you. You forgive him and realize that he's an azzhole. It doesn't mean you like him, it doesn't mean he's allow in your life. It just means that he doesn't have any control over your life anymore and he means nothing to you...and since he doesn't mean nothing to you then you can forgive him. He is not a part of your actual life anymore, therefore you discuss your son with him and nothing more. When you view him as an insignificant waste of oxygen then his importance in your life does not exist. When it doesn't exist then you might as well get rid of the remaining emotion and forgive and get rid of it all.

I absolutely dispise my sons father, he was mean and both physically and mentally abusing during our time together. I decided to leave when I our son was 8 mo. old. And I have never looked back. My son sees him every other weekend and I would never come between that, but I only speak to him concerning our child. No small talk, nothing. It works just fine for us. You just have to get over it and move on and realize it is not about your relationship with him, but your childs. I came from a home with no father because my mother hated him and choose not to let me see him and I still get angry at her for that. So put all your feelings on the back burner, it is not about you anymore.

First piece of advice, use all caps for emphasis not the whole message.

Second quit confusing the issue. Is it your 8 year old who hates his father or YOU?

If you have instilled this hate or even allowed it you have a problem.

It is never fair to transfer your hurt and dislike to your child unless this hurt was to the child ( like abuse or abandonment).

Your son did not get to pick his father, you did. Now suck it up and do what you need to for Dad to start acting ( and paying) like one.

first of all in order to forgive someone you must want it and do it for yourself and not for the sake of anyone, not even your child. think about how much of a better person you will be to those you love once you have forgiven. and no one should be expected to forget. my grandmother has just passed and she forgave the man that killed her son. she was very close to god and believed strongly that we do not obtain the right to judge. this is one of the most important things that i have learned from her. i hope that you are ready to forgive and be the best person you can be to your loved ones.

if you were going to ask me for advice it would be how do i get along with this man who is the father of my son. easily. very very easily. you treat him with politeness. period. i find it impossibe to believe your son dislikes his own father. boys idolize their fathers. as they get even older they want to be with them all the time.

as someone else said, this is not about you it is about your son. you decide to be the better person and you do not take anything personally. it is all for your son, when coming from that attitude it is possible to do anything.