Is my father's second family "my" family too?

Question

I was not raised by my father due to divorce and met him when I was a young adult. After nearly 30 years of involvement and what I considered a minor confrontation, he said I have "no rights" in "his family". 

I am his 3rd born child and 1st daughter. In his second marriage he had one other daughter by birth and adopted a son. I consider them my brother and sister though none of us "siblings" are particularly close. 

The 2 brothers I grew up with have also been distanced, and I am wondering if this is why they gave up. We only superficially discussed it and I thought it was simply personality clash. I felt like my father and I had bonded and we got along wonderfully (most of the time).

I am pained that he does not consider the children from his first marriage part of "his family". 

I slowly realized this has been a prevailing attitude of his all these years, it was only finally overtly claimed. 

So, what is "family"?

Anonym · Accepted Answer

if you feel like you belong in this family or you want to belong in this family you do what you can to be involved because you may just turn them around and if you dont then it is them that is missing out on something.  although dont push to hard  by the way family is whoever you feel belongs with you and you with them

Pieces of Me ... · Answer

Honestly, family has nothing to do with blood. It's about a personal relationship between people. I consider my 3 best friends my family because no matter the physical distance btwn us we are always there for each other. We grew up together and we understand everything about each other. We can have the biggest fight and 20 min later we're laughing about it.  

If you dad doesn't consider you family then he's not worth the love you have to offer.

Besch · Answer

No matter what he says, you ARE his family. You share part of his DNA which makes you related to him. I think your whole family should go see a family counsellor, because your dad has to face the consequences of his actions and can't just not call you his children because he doesn't want to anymore, no, it does not work like that. Give him a piece of your mind. Are his other children close to him? I suppose a way to 'get back' at him would be to get a really high job and good pay and he'll feel sorry that he didn't call you his family. But whatever...if you're not part of his family, then he's not part of yours. That's it. Painful as this sounds, he won't be part of your wedding...so it's your decision to make of what you wana do.
Just some different ways you can treat the situation.

tia w · Answer

i think your dad is pretty messed up to say that you aren't apart of his family because that obvouousley means that(im sorry for saying this) he doesn't love you or his first family. sorry that he doesn't consider you family. family is a group made up of people you love and that love you back even if you guys don't get along too well but you would feel even just the tinyest bit bad for that person if they were to get hurt. family can be all sorts of people and animals of any kind."the most important thing you can give someone is a second chance", your father should hear that!

Anonym · Answer

yes your dads family is your family too,sounds painful...but your dad needs to realize he has you and your bros too.i have been married twice,And my ex`s treat My sons like there own,i am lucky this way...yes i am again single and can only hope that my boys don`t have to go threw the stuff i did,but to you i say sit dad down ,and have a good tlak tell him how you feel and how it hurts you all,if this doesn`t help,sweetie be strong and hope he changes his attitude,,,,,,,,hugs

happyfarmerswife · Answer

I was very fortunate to be raised by both of my parents. I can't even imagine your pain.  From what your dad said to you ["no rights" in "his family"], might explain why your mom left him.  You may just have to let go of the pain and accept his behavior as his guilt. DO NOT CARRY HIS GUILT WITH YOU! It is his guilt to carry.

peggin_beast · Answer

It doesn't sound like you have one!!

He surely isn't a father!

Take what pride you hold dear for yourself, and forget he is alive.

Is my father's second family "my" family too?

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