Any tips on how to avoid "toilet sounds"?

I have your solution.

Line the toilet bowl with loo paper, the splatter sound will be dampened and there will be no echo. Also, after each deposit, add paper on top of it, the smell can't get out as well (added bonus).

OR try to sit with your entire bum covering the seat so sounds can't escape, I have a big-ish bum so this is feasible, those of you with just a hinge, pelase refer back to my first point.

Making trumpet sounds while relieving ones self is a natural body function as breathing and is nothing to be self conscious about. Some people keep a can of air freshener to spray the bathroom with in consideration of others. If you have diarrhea you want to be certain that you leave the toilet bowl clean and free of over spray.

Take a radio with you and play some music

Make more noise like talk loud or sigh really loud or start screaming and say theres a bug or or cough or flush or bang the door and say it wont open anything! be creative haha

Anyone who makes a dumb remark, you attack with pepper spray or a stun baton. They will learn pretty fast that you are sensitive about this subject.

Spray painted the bowl????? That's a good one! I have to remember that one! I'd be more concerned about them SMELLING it!

you could try the "one cheek sneak" its all in the way you sit on the throne, kinda lean to one side(not to far) and it should make the sounds a bit quieter when your making gravy.its all in the correct pressure on the rusty bullet wound.

go forth and squirt my friend

Play loud music in the bathroom

Have to ask, what song is it that your arze plays? I'm really laughing out loud at the thought of a buttt that blows taps. Thanks! This one makes my day.

You need to whistle as if you're just doing a #1... At least you'll cover it a bit!!!