alscoor

Hi,

I am currently very depressed as I am torn between 2 women. I got myself into that situation so I am not looking for compassion.

I was with someone that I will name "Jane" for 2 years up to November last year.

Some when in October, I started dating someone that I will name "Emma".

Of course the situation became impossible to stay in and I broke up with Jane.

I had never been 100% sure of Jane for some reason. But she is a wonderful, loving, caring, gentle, honest person. She is an angel.

Sex was really not great. I can only think of one or 2 good intimate moments together. Probably my fault as I never tried anything with her for fear that she would find it weird. We were quite boring together. Separately, we would have great nights out, but together we would somehow neutralise each other. I sometimes looked as other girls while out with her and started resenting myself for appreciating their looks.

I don't think that I was fully capable of opening to Jane, I fear that I will be judged, I feel inferior when I do so. Even though she never did anything in that sense. She always accepted me no matter how bad.

But there is something in her yes, an expression, a deep look of love that really touches me. It gets to me. There is something really special about that. It's like a light that warms you.

I can visualise her as a mum.

Emma is fantastic. We connect very well together, physically and mentally. She gets me to talk, express my feelings, my worries instead of keeping everything for myself. I am looking forward to going on holidays with her. We laugh a lot, we have no boring moments, sex is great. But it's only been 4 months really. We started chatting and meeting 2 months before that.

We have the same sense of humour, like the same type of music and activities.

But I am not sure I see that special thing in her eyes. I am also scared that as with previous relationships, we may become boring. It looks less likely. But I fear it, dearly.

I also find it difficult to visualise her as a mum.

If I have to summarise:

Jane: her = great; us = good but a bit calm / boring at times

Emma: her = good; us = great

It's been now 2 months since I broke up with Jane and she still loves me. She would do anything. When I see the look in her eyes, it breaks me. I feel very strongly. I often think about her (it's always sad thoughts), and cry.

I want to tell her to move on, to forget about me. But every time I want to send her a strong message, I melt and cry.

I am now utterly depressed. I have seen a psychologist for several weeks and feel like I am getting nowhere. I am sad and in limbo. I tried to take some time off (2 weeks) and it got me nowhere either. Just utterly sad.

I would have assumed that after 2 months I would feel better. Yet the sadness doesn't go away. One minute I am sure that I want to meet Jane and tell her that there is no going back. And the next I want to drive to Emma's, end it and go back to Jane.

What do you think I should do?