?

I’ve only texted one male from work since the pandemic started and then tried to get a hold of

the guy I liked through social media and the second guy was not responding to me enough to form a mutual and interactive connection and I felt God wanted me to ignore the guy from work but I don’t know why. I have church friends I text but not for dating purposes and generally I only message them when I want help for something or another, not on a friendship level with them. 

The community I’m in has a members-only digital gardening group and I never help my parents with their gardening work but I thought I could attend to learn useful gardening tips and than pass it onto my parents. 

Like I’ve heard of 35 year old woman with 7 children and I’ve heard of 32 year olds or older who are only able to have their first child 10-14 years after they first get married and it’s not a matter of weight or physical beauty because some woman are absolutely gorgeous and super thin and yet can’t get pregnant very easily 

What is the cause of this? 

I was looking forward to my tax returns but then I realized I made an error on my return so now my return money might delayed

Recently I entered a contest and if I win, it could lower my monthly expenses but with the high number of people in the competition my odds are pretty slim 

Two of the last three guys I liked were visibly shy, one could not even meet me for a date without panic problems and another guy was attractive but I was not interested for personal reasons. The third guy is unknown cause he is different. 

I’ve met a lot of college drop outs since finishing university and most of them are terrible people - I think a university degrees shows you are willing to tolerate liberal points of view like inclusion and diversity and respect and kindness 

It also shows you are willing to do things you don’t like if it is part of your duties in life 

Somebody who lacks liberal grace or humility and accountability is likely to have bad character 

I get uncomfortable around blood shed so I can’t even watch a lot of normal teenager movies

Two of the smartest people I know were both people who enjoyed playing fantasy style video games 

I believe there is a correlation between video game playing and iq even though no study has ever been done on it 

I had a dream where God told me He would not give me a boyfriend until I discovered the truth because if I got married before learning the truth, it would cost me my identity. I would not say I’m spiritually mature but I’ve dedicated myself to God and I have no idea why I’ve been single for so long but I do know that no guy liked me until I got my university degree, than they magically appeared. 

I grew up with non religious parents and it took a very long time for me to redefine my goals and values and mental state to match the characteristics of the bible

I have more dreams now than I did when I was 16 years old and a lot of people are telling me I have to give up and just take left overs cause I’m too old now

Like I have over 26 books I’m trying to write at the same time and one of my hobbies involves language learning so I’m trying to learn Arabic and Japanese and Sanskrit at the same time - I’m not learning to become fluent, I’m doing it purely for entertainment purposes - I believe I’m intelligent enough to become fluent but I’m not sure I have time to invest in thoroughly adapting to the languages so I’m just learning for fun 

If you look at Zac Efron dating Vanessa who looks pretty normal

Or Justin Bieber who chose a girl less attractive and less wealthy than his ex and she does not even have a university degree 

Or Mark Zuckerberg who chose plain looking Priscilla Chan

Or McKenzie Scott who married an ugly and average intelligence guy 

I know many situations where average woman or average men got people more attractive than themselves 

I find that when I’m trying to build my career, it interferes with my religious mental state

That I am not focused on worship when I’m working

And I’m not focused on work when I’m worshiping

I think maybe God pushed me out of my old job so that I would have more time to worship Him 

Because when I worked at my old place, I was either working or recovering my body from work so that I almost never had time for worship - was too focused on the body 

I thought I could collect Pinterest images and turn them into meditative images

I thought I could find a digital hobby or a technological one - I have one that is very entertaining - but I’m looking for others

I had a dream that God told me if I associate with evil people I would be destroyed

Recently I tried to acknowledge an evil person I know in a zoom group and I could feel God nudging me to ignore them 

She mocked me twice for having conservative attitudes towards sex - once for how I operate in dating and another time for telling my friend his lifestyle was not biblical

And then she judged me for having poor social skills because I questioned her about whether she was interested in listening to my views on God

And she told me I was stupid when I tried to glorify God by helping somebody else 

And she told me I was crazy when I told her God could make my career goals a reality

One of my friends is a therapist and she told me 4 of her clients had suicidal thoughts that were directly related to the pandemic and she works in a retirement home so most of her clients are jobless and not owning businesses or companies where a pandemic could affect their income.

I do not consider the pandemic to be too harmful unless somebody was so wealthy before the pandemic that they were constantly paying for entertainment before the lockdowns or unless somebody is so poor they cannot afford internet and electronic devices and movies so that they do nothing all day now

Online it seems most religious people practice their religion with an attitude of hate and vilification

And not an attitude of kindness and tolerance