Jacky

So, i am getting therapy for borderline personality disorder and dysthimia but..every now and and then i feel like stop eating, i hardly eat anything for like a week and then eat a lot and after a couple of days i don't care anymore..then it starts again. I tried lexatives but i couldnt help myself from throwing them up so i stopped that, i don't purge on purpose but only eat like..nothing for a week..which is once..in 2 months i guess..maybe it sounds like nothing but it's been going on since i was 8 or so and i am 21 now..i am not underweight, but sometimes i am (BMI now is 19, mostly a little lower)...tomorrow i have therapy and i might talk about this but can anyone tell me what he or she thinks about this..could it be EDNOS or really not??

Dear reader,

Soon i will go to London and i saw some friends of mine, who went to England, who went to the train-station of harry potter or the set, i don't know, but they were able to take a picture with the car that went through 9 3/4..and i believe somewhere in England (London?) you can see the set of HP too..does anybody know where i can find these 2 places and if there is something else that i am able to see in the neighbourhoud?? Thank you very much!

So..in my teenage years i used tumblr a lot and no one knew i had a tumblr account, but i did use my own name..i looked for pictures about self harm, depression, eating dissorders etc..now that i am a little older i realize that if people google my name..they find those pictures..which could work against me when i am gonna look for a job etc..on google i read that you can remove your tumblr account, but people would still be able to find the pictures via google..does anybody know what i need to do :((( the pictures are pictures that i shares on my page..:(

So..i am 1.78 m and my weight is 60 kg but i want to be 55 kg..(or a bit less..not too less..between 50 and 55). Now..i tried to..throw up on purpose but..i couldnt i tried so hard but..nothing happened..i tried to takes laxatives but i cant swallow pills so i had ti bite on them and it was so gross that..i did throw up. Anyway..i guess you can say i dont do anything drastic to lose weigh..i just don't eat too much..i mostly skip breakfast (yes..yes i know its bad and it doesnt help etc..)and around..13:00 i take like..a chocolate-cookie or so..then at 16:00 i just..have to eat, i cant stop myself and i eat a bit..too much :( then i do eat dinner and then at the evening maybe like..peanuts or something (i adore those)..that's it..and i do feel bad when i have eaten something but..i dont do anything with those feelings..i used to do a lot of self harm but that was not because of eating-things (borderline personality disorder)..i just wonder if people think i have an eating disorder..im sorry if this is just a stupid question :(

So..thing is..my length is 5 feet 10 inches (1,78m) and my weight is 132, 27 pounds (60 kg)..When i ask people if i look fat or so, they say: no way..but they never tell me on their own like: wow you are thin (just to give an indiciation on how i look xD) but..there was a time when i really tried to..throw up, but i couldnt and i tried to take laxatives, but when i tried it the first time and it was so gross (since i cant swallow it, long story haha) i never tried it again..so long story, but anyway..now i am not trying that anymore, but i just like..being..not fat..and i would like to weigh 121, 25 pounds (55 kg)..i know i probably wont get there soon since i am just..eating quite ok (not too healthy, but not extremely bad)..but somehow i feel bad, because i feel as if..when i try to do that..people think i am anorexic..not because i look like it..but just because..it feels like..these days..when you say: i try to lose weight..and you are kind of thin..you are anorexic..even though i kind of think it is disrespectful towards people who really are anorexic..but anyway..that was it :) thanks for reading!

i like the idea of living in London for a little while, so i was thinking about doing that when i have a long summer holiday, so for about 3 months..now i wonder: i cant stay in a hotel for 3 months..right, that must cost a lot..so (yeah i maybe should know this kinda stuff since im 20 years old, but i just really dont know) where would you stay if you are in London for three months and is it something you can just do or do you need something else besides your passport? If so, how long can you stay, with just your passport?? Thanks for reading!

Dear reader, i want to learn Spanish so badly, but i have no idea where to start..im 20 years old and i feel kinda old too study a language but i still wanna give it a try..does anybody know like.. a good children-tv-show in Spanish, that will help me (i would like to watch a grown-up show, but i think i really, really wouldnt get anything thats been said)..is it better to watch children-shows or better to watch grown-up shows? if you think its better to watch children-shows, do you know any that i can watch on youtube or so? And same for grown-up-shows (In Spanish of course)..as for the grown-up-shows i like drama a lot :) Thanks for reading!

i used to be this goth-girl, with black hair and dark makeup and dark clothes..but i dont wanna dye my hair again so its light-brown..with this haircolour i cant make myself like my old self again and i really dislike that..i can wear the dark makeup and dark clothes, but the hair makes it just..too happy for the way i feel sometimes..how can i look like my old sad self again (i was really sad back then, dealing with self harm etc), without the dark hair?? Any ideas? it just doenst feel good to look happy when im sad, but sometimes im really happy again and then i really dont wanna have black hair and dyeing hair black makes it realllly hard to go back to your own colour again..

so im 20 years old and i feel really weak these days and like..i cant eat a lot, because im just not hungry anymore at all actually..and every now and then i feel weak for a couple of days and stay in bed and then just..after a couple of days im fine again. When i look at the things people with leukemia have i see things that have too..like bruses coming out of nowhere, nosebleedings and feeling really tired and stuff..apart from that i (that may have nothing to do with this..i dont know) forget things that happen just..a day ago or so..while i do remember things that happened long ago..when i go to the GP they just say it is anaemia..and i dont dare to say: i think i have leukemia..and maybe i am really overreacting but i am just afraid..i find it strange that i can be so tired that i just can not do anything at all..it started in 2010 when i was sick for 2 weeks but then a whole lot of mental things went on (diagnosis: borderline personality disorder) i think i recovered from that but this just..keeps going on..does anyone have more experience with leukemia and knows if i am overreacting like crazy or not? and what should i do..my GP is always like: it wont be too bad etc..

i am just afraid..and really dont want to go to my GP if its not too bad, because i really dont like my GP but dont want to change my GP either, because..yeah our whole family goes to the same and it would be weird to go to another one..

Anyone have some tips for me??

Thanks for reading :)

So there are days when everything is ok, except for the being-tired..everyday, when the evening starts i become so tired, like exhausted. i do get enough sleep, but i just feel weak. Some days i just have to stay in bed for a couple of days (like..3 days in a row every month --> not same time every month, so has nothing to do with that), then i feel like i have a fever (i never take temperature) and feel really dizzy and i came to notice that, during those periods, when i fall or whatever i get brused so easily and i just am not hungry or anything..i just feel too weak to even get out of bed...when i go to the doctor they just say it is anaemia..but i feel like its more than that..but they didnt find anything (they also just checked anaemia, but if they would see something else bad with my blood, they wouldve seen it right??) so im kinda worried but i have no clue on what could be going on..this has been going on from when i was 17 (2010) and..i am kiiinda done with it..does anybody have a clue on what could be going on??

Thanks for reading!

So..i've been obsessed with growing my hair (seriously..obsessed) for about..3 years now and it finally grew quite a bit! But now..i dont have any layers or bangs or so. People around me say i really should get bangs and when i see it with other people..i really like it..but since ive been so obsessed with growing my hair..i just dont dare to get it cut off..is that really weird? And..would you do it, if you fear to do it, but you also like it..but are scared?

I'll try to keep it short. When im at home i directly become terribly sad, i harm myself every now and then and sometimes feel very suicidal. The reason for this is partly because..it is just who i am i think (i once was diagnosed with Borderline personality disorder, i just dont know if that one is really..true). But as soon as i am in school i laugh way too much, in a way that teachers think im high and i ask a lot of attention..but i really do not want to be this way..i just want to be normal, but at school i feel free and at home there is so much family-trouble going on and i can not be myself there (i can make this story very long, but to keep it short..there is just quite some family trouble). So when im at school, where i dont need to keep my mouth shut and be different..i compensate my sadness at home..

Now, i do not want to seek serious help, because ive tried it 4 times and it went wrong every time..the teacher from my class told me that she cant help me cause she is no social worker or so..so she wont listen to me..now, there is a very nice teacher, but we get new teachers every 3 months (except the one teacher who told me she is no social worker) and it seems as if he really wants to listen to me, but im afraid he'll tell my other teacher that i talked to him and then my teacher might be angry with me, cause im bothering teachers with my problems..

Okay, bit of a strange story..but is there somebody with advice?

Does anybody know a couple of songs..im looking for Spanish or Italian songs that give you a happy feeling..like..Summer Paradise by Simple Plan..but that one is (obviously) English..and im looking for Spanish/Italian..

:D

So i play the guitar (electric and acoustic) and i play the piano (self taught, guitar is not self taught). Also, i like to sing and have singing lessons. I want to learn another instrument..first i wanted to start learning the bass guitrar but when i see videos of it im not so excited..i like it when i can use my instrument while i sing (thats why i like playing the guitar en the piano) but its not necessary..i want to learn another instrument that is kind of like me..it is hard to explain in one question who i am, but as for the music i love Maria Mena, but i also love the sounds of electric guitars..i like classical music, but i dont think i like to play it..

So does anybody have any idea on what instrument fits me..?? (btw i put this question at performing arts category because i didnt know which one else :P )

So..my dad is narcissistic, no, he doesnt have a real diagnosis, he would never believe something would be wrong with him, but i talked to this guy who is specialized in this erea and i explained my problems with my dad..and he said my dad really has the narcissistic disorder..thing is, i have tried to get along with my dad for so many years now, i am a 20 years old girl now and since a year or so, ive given up. I hate to blame people for my self harm and suicidal problems, but if i had father who wouldve been there for me, who would know me..i guess i wouldnt be in so much trouble with myself. I dont like the way he treats my mum, like he is her boss. I just, want to love my dad, but i really cant. i tried so hard, but i cant. Thing is, i am pretty sure my dad wont change, after so many years. I am 20 years old and my friends are moving out, but my dad wont let me. At the same time, i dont want to leave the house because i dont want to leave my mum. My parents live in the same house, but that's it. My dad sleeps in a different room etc.. and he is gone often for work, but i cant live with him in 1 house anymore, i cant. All the time i try to be in my room, so i dont see him. He is making me go to church, but i just wannt to decide that on my own, but i cant. What do i need to do? I have had therapy, but my life wont change if my dad wont change and he wont. He never says sorry for anything, really, anything. If he breaks something from me, its my fault, nothing is his fault. I dont want to leave my mum, but i cant live here always, its breaking me to be here, in the same house as my dad..is there somebody who knows what i should do??

Thanks for reading :)

So my mum and i have been having a lot of fights these days..mostly about my self harm scars. i didnt self harm for like..half a year and my scars were pretty much healed..of course you still saw them, they are scars..they were a bit like..pink/purple still..but for me it felt like a good thing to dare to walk with short sleeves again..but my mum doesnt think so.

Neither does my sister. i cant go on a trip that my sister organises, because she doesnt want me to wear short sleeves around people she knows. My mum tells me not to wear short sleeves around people she knows..in school i can be myself..but i feel..like a prisoner, not able to wear what i want to wear..when it's really hot in summer and there are people around my mum knows or my sister knows..i need to wear sleeves..and in that way i'll never be able to wear short sleeves around them..of course scars fade, but they will never fade enough for them. I dont really see a reason to not self harm..since, even though its a shallow reason, my only reason to stop self harming was being able to wear short sleeves..my mum and i cant talk about it without getting in a fight..im just so lost..does anyone have an idea what i should do??? id be so happy with some good advice..

So it's about..a high school or so, with people around the age of 18 i think..and it's a special school where they only teach music..and there are these scenes i remember..for example when the whole class is playing the piano..(i think 2 people behind 1 piano..not sure anymore) and a scene where..a boy..or girl..doesnt really fit in and so he or she walks away during break and when he or she gets at the stairs there is this boy or girl and they spend time together..im sorry im so vague, i dont remember much, only that i really liked the movie and i really dont remember what the name of the movie was..does anyone know??