80s Face

As we all know, all Coronavirus particles would have voted Republican due to our shared social darwinist values, which is why we right-wingers tend to be laxer about anti-virus measures. Of course, the corrupt dems denied these virus particles their right to vote, resulting in Biden's victory. Going forward, we Republicans need to campaign for virus suffrage so we can turn every state red. FACT.

And then get rekt by early-game challenges because they don't understand or use basic mechanics?

https://twitter.com/TPUSAatKent/status/92100512494...

Clearly, liberals are too uncultured to appreciate the artistry behind TPUSA's protest methods. FACT.

As we all know, atheists are extremely dishonest. Unfortunately, they know that we know that they know that we know that they know that we know they're dishonest, so they sometimes use reverse psychology to trick us into rejecting a true statement, which caused me to get lost on several road trips. This is quite a conundrum in situations where our only source of information is from an atheist.

Fortunately, I came up with the method of praying to God and flipping a coin to determine the truthiness of the atheists' statements. For statements that can be partially true, I use a 10-sided dice so that God can tell me how truthful the statement is out of 10. Clearly, fortune favors the righteous! Checkmate, atheists!

As we True Theists™ know, atheists are obligated to disprove every single religion. On the other hand, theists of different religions usually don't ask each other for proof. (We totally didn't sign a secret treaty in Atlantis over it.) Worse yet, your

work will pile up because people will just invent new religions. Therefore, wouldn't it be easier for you to just give up and join a religion to free yourself of the True Burden of Proof™?

My atheist neighbor keeps saying to me ,"All you're doing is accusing us of sexual deviancy, eating the last cookie in the jar, and jaywalking. How does this even help your position?" That foolishly foolish fool fails to realize that our troll posts against them will serve as tributes to our deities, who despise the godless even more than we do. Once we make enough posts, our gods will descend to the Earth to prove themselves, which will finally allow us to PWN the atheist scum! FACT.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloacina

Don't even think about posting a sarcastic answer to this question. DON'T YOU DARE! THINK OF THE CHILDREN!

First, I shall begin with my extremely tragic tale of how I became an atheist. You see, I once dropped a delicious sandwich into a toilet by accident and I had no choice but to flush it. Clearly, it was all the vile sewer goddess's fault. The end.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloacina

As many of you know, some ISPs throttle a customer's connection if they use too much bandwidth in a short period of time. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, but atheists keep making MEAN posts on the Internet, causing me to feel compelled to comment back and post my own flamebait topics. As a result of the constant back-and-forth keyboard war, I ended up hitting my bandwidth threshold, causing my ISP to punish me with snail speed Internet. Worse yet, the atheists also caused me to hit my cellular data cap, ensuring that I can't access the Internet in areas with no Wi-Fi. Clearly, this is proof that atheists shouldn't be allowed to use the Internet. FACT.

After all the sick burns I inflicted upon them, most atheists should have carpal tunnel syndrome and hemorrhoids from spending too much time responding to my posts. Since this isn't the case, I've come to the conclusion that most of them are secretly modifying their wrists and butts with high quality mechanical parts from 1st world countries.

According to my elite hacker pastor, atheists tend to use passwords like "12345" and "qwerty". Worse yet, atheist databases don't even salt their passwords when hashing them. This certainly explains why almost every True Theist™ knows the contents of the Atheist Agenda™.

This group hates God so much that they start flame wars against any C++ developer caught using the God Object antipattern.

As many of us theists observed, atheists are always on forums 24/7 arguing with random theists they don't know. Clearly, this is proof that godlessness results in a less fulfilling life and that their only means of filling the void is through keyboard wars.

Now, I'd go on, but I'm on the last 50 MB of my cellular data plan because those atheists keep provoking me into participating in the flame war, which leads to me using all my data to respond to their posts and to post topics about them. Clearly, this wouldn't have happened to me if those basement dwellers would just get a life.

I know you'll say something along the lines of "I don't believe in him," but I have proof that you're in cahoots with the prince of darkness. Lately, I've been suffering from writer's block when it comes to asking accusatory questions against your ilk, which must be due to Satan messing with my mind. Obviously, he wouldn't do that unless he was trying to save his atheist comrades from my epic sick burns. QED.

https://twitter.com/isotrumpp