Squashed Orange

I'd type more, but I'm having trouble thinking right now. I'm also doing melatonin with it. Other people want to keep the alcohol away from me though.

Nothing works except complete silence. Lunesta was torture. Melatonin is lame. Valerian, Kava, chamomile, ashwaghanda, mucuna, weed, alcohol & all those herbals do absolutely nothing. I refuse to do the more harsh controversial street drugs. I need a poison. I combined getting drunk and taking Percocet, which knocked me out, but I shouldn't do that too often. Burning myself to boost stimulation during the day does nothing. Drinking Green Works & Chlorox bleach don't do the trick either. Bleeding uncontrollably gets me tired, but doesn't really get me to sleep. It makes other people scream too, so that's not good. Jumping into the bottom of an ice-cold dam in January before bed doesn't work either. I've done tons of psych drugs at the institutions I've been at, they all make it worse. I've played all the DNA activation music during sleep, it keeps me awake sort of. I tried running a fan, HEPA filter, air conditioner, they keep me awake. Is there a less self-destructive way to get sleep?

I've been doing that, so it's too late, but what can I expect?

I have exploding head syndrome every night. The last time I went to ER, I had signs of a heart attack. This has gone on for almost 2 decades, people are killing me with loud, sudden noises. Please, no nonsense answers like I've been getting for all my questions.

Exploding head syndrome is when someone for a few nights while drifting off to sleep hears every sound as a gunshot or explosion, a lightshow happens behind the eyelids for a fraction of a second, and it can be accompanied by a hypnogogic jerk. Mine is sometimes accompanied by a scream. It happens every night for me, I cannot live anywhere around people, but I'm living with people anyway because I have no choice. I cannot sleep, I need some help. I need a trailer in the remote woods.

Others yell at me & try & convince me that I should be matching their sleep patterns, & I must be doing something wrong in my thinking because I cannot adapt my brain to their sleep patterns. 17 years now, I've been homeless off & on. I've moved about 60 times. The state of PA doesn't care, they won't help me.

I end up renting rooms from yet another feminist. WTF, aren't there any real women in this world???

No, I don't qualify for an old-folks home.

This started as soon as I moved from home when 21. I've moved over 45 times now and I can't take it anymore. I have spasms, I can't remember stuff frequently, fail to hold a job or apartment, fail, fail, fail, etc.

Everybody hates me because I malfunction way too much and they think I'm faking it.

What should I do? Besides self-destruct. Is there anywhere I can go? All the attempts at college and trade school failed and I wasted my money. I really don't give a hoot if I 'fit in.' I just want the false accusations and the robbery to stop.

No, I don't qualify for an old-folks home. This started as soon as I moved from home when 21. I've moved over 45 times now and I can't take it anymore. Everybody hates me because I malfunction way too much and they think I'm faking it. What should I do? Besides self-destruct. Is there anywhere I can go?

I know I was born for a reason, but I'm not sure what that it is.

I just want to know if there's any kindness out there.

It's so depressing and cold. Kindness is a rare gem. However, even that lasts only a moment and

it's gone. And then the cold sets in again for a few years until the next gem of kindness. It's such an icy cold world, why stay in it? Why not pass on to the next dimension? This one is not very pleasant.

"Tie yourself to the mast my friend and the storm will end."

It's from this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBPmarJLEEM.

This sounds like something I need to do. The storm never ends for me. My 13-year storm is ruining everything. I can never do anything worthwhile in my life. I need to end my storm. I've already tried different ways of ending it and had no luck, it just got worse.

- Ben

I've been looking for about 12 years now, and I cannot find a non-slum, affordable apt for a disabled person like me. Why is that? Am I doomed to have asthma attacks daily for the rest of my life because I cannot find a roommate?

It's obvious to me that landlords want to kill off the disabled people so they won't reproduce and make more misery for generations. Please, landlord, I promise, I won't reproduce. Just let me live out my life, even though my disability isn't genetic. I guess I'm an innocent bystander of the genocide agenda.

What does asthma have to do with anything-- Every slum I move to has irritants that keep me having attacks daily. It isn't treatable because it's triggered by vasomotor rhinitis, a neurological disease that causes asthmatic reactions to common chemicals such as perfume, dryer exhaust, cleaning chemicals, dirty rugs, central air and cologne.

I don't mean to sound like a victim here. There's no victim here. Victims die. I survive.

Relocation is pobbily a solution, if only I had rides to search for apts. and rooms. It's nearly impossible to relocate because I don't have transportation. I take the bus and miss appointments and get up really early to be disappointed by the slow bus system. LANTA in the Bethlehem/Easton/Allentown area of PA is trouble. I heard it's a lot better in NYC, but the rent is impossible to pay unless one is a detective or something.

And my education - it's unfortunate that I had 7 brain surgeries and my IQ really took a beating after high school.

Because of my slowness to learn stuff and keep an apt simultaneously, I couldn't attend much college. I moved about 45 times in 12 years. I hate my waste of a perfectly good life, but I won't give up. I know the system is setting me up for total self-destruction and they won't win. I will survive.

I have to move somewhere and it's getting COLD, especially at night!!!! I had a dream last night of falling to pieces in the freezing cold while still alive. I know that can happen, extreme gangrene. I don't want to die, please!!! I want to live!!!

I've been looking for about 12 years now, and I cannot find a non-slum, affordable apt for a loser like me. Why is that? Am I doomed to have asthma attacks daily for the rest of my life because I cannot find a roommate?

At a fireworks show, my sister stepped on a penguin and then, after moving off of it and turning around to watch the fireworks, the penguin got up, recovered a little bit, and went to stand in front of my sister and looked up to her. That's all I remember of the dream. What did it mean?

My body developed an asthma that doctors have no idea how to treat. Now my whole life is down the drain because of the mistakes that are engineered in my body. I've suffered attacks almost daily for the past 5 years at least, but the asthmatic reactions started in 2005. The irritants are everywhere except where people don't use cigarettes, perfume, electric dryers, unnatural detergents, cockroach infestations, mouse infestations, sewer gas leaks, fragrance-makers, incense, etc. How do I stop suffering so much? Everyone keeps telling me that my pain is created by me. How can about 99% of the population be so ignorant? I know, they get offended by biological things that are in contradiction to their addictions. They smoke, wear perfume, burn incense and cause an asthmatic reaction, causing me to feel like I'm dying. And then all of this causes rapid aging and immunity from all sickness. This causes an eternity of wasted time with attacks and so much brain pressure from coughing that my vision is darkened by coughing and I taste blood.