Black O

Right now I am having a rough time financially and emotionally. My husband lost his job several months ago and now we have no water no power and will surely be evicted soon. I'm really feeling down. I don't know what to do about it. I thought about going to the er to ask them to give me something for my nerves. I understand that life has everyday stress, but this seems to be excessive to me. Ever since I was about 10 years old, I have had spells where I just go into the dark cry. My parents always told me to just snap out of it. But as an adult I'm beginning to wonder if something is really wrong with me. I feel sad even when there is no reason to feel to. I think about how and why I should kill myself everyday. I turned 30 about 6 months ago and I think it's scaring me. My husband and I have had difficulty trying to have children. We have been together since I was 15. He's good to me but I don't know if he satisfies me as a woman, rather than a girl. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I never want to feel the pain of breaking up. but now I cannot tell if I'm being selfish in wanting to leave bc times are hard. Every year he loses a job and we wind up practically homeless. My parents are tired of me dragging a grown man around with me asking can we crash here for a little while.it bothers me so much I don't want to wake up. it seems like if I leave and start a new life, things could get better. but I'm afraid that I'll just turn out to be crazy and scare someone new away too. I don't have any friends. I think I scare people away with my mood swings. People assume that I am mean and rude, but really I'm nervous and awkward. I can barely function at work. it's like I can't really organize my thoughts to do anything productive. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm starting to think that I'm just a crazy person. An adult female loser/crybaby. Literally everything makes me nervous or sad.

What are the odds of my husband being able to get me pregnant with a 17 million sperm count? Its been 12 years. I just want an honest oppinion. My family keeps telling me that it will happen eventually, but after a while, thats sounding ridiculous to me. I really want children, but at the same time, I can't keep living in a fantasy world. I don't have money for fertility doctors. No sarcasm, please. This is very important to me.

I am 27 years old and have not been on bc since I was 17. I have never been pregnant, but my husband and I really want children. I had a laproscopy in April 2009 and now its nearly December and Im still not pregnant. My husband was also tested and we were told that his count was low, motility, ect not good. It's very frustrating watching everyone around me have children and now even my friends/family who are younger than me are having and/or have children. It's also very hard when I get my period everymonth, hoping that a miracle had happened. Ive gone thru the "not think about it because you will be too stressed phase" at times I dont think about it at all. But now I'm nearly thirty and I cant run away from it any more. I tried fertility monitors and we both changed our diets. Any advice or remedies on how to help my situation? Is it likely me? or him? or both? I wouldnt worry so much if ten years hadnt gone by. Im started to get scared...I may NEVER have children. :(