Southerner Guy

A lot of people seem to think that if you factor in looks in the search for a partner, you're shallow and superficial. For instance, a guy who wants to avoid say, obese women, and go for women who may be fit and athletic, is often times criticised with sayings like "beauty comes from within", and "don't be shallow and look at the outer person".

So, I'm going to play devil's advocate with that theory; if a str8 guy needs to "see the inner beauty of big women and stop being shallow", wouldn't he also need to "see the inner beauty" of other men, and stop being so shallow, if he would ever get hit on by a gay guy?

Why is it shallow and superficial in one instance (weight), to reject someone for their outer exterior, but in the second case of rejecting one's outer exterior (gender), it's not?

Shouldn't all those people who say "beauty comes from within", practice what they preach?

A lot of people seem to think that if you factor in looks in the search for a partner, you're shallow and superficial. For instance, a guy who wants to avoid say, obese women, and go for women who may be fit and athletic, is often times criticised with sayings like "beauty comes from within", and "don't be shallow and look at the outer person".

So, I'm going to play devil's advocate with that theory; if a str8 guy needs to "see the inner beauty of big women and stop being shallow", wouldn't he also need to "see the inner beauty" of other men, and stop being so shallow, if he would ever get hit on by a gay guy?

Why is it shallow and superficial in one instance (weight), to reject someone for their outer exterior, but in the second case of rejecting one's outer exterior (gender), it's not?

Shouldn't all those people who say "beauty comes from within", practice what they preach?

A lot of people seem to think that if you factor in looks in the search for a partner, you're shallow and superficial. For instance, a guy who wants to avoid say, obese women, and go for women who may be fit and athletic, is often times criticised with sayings like "beauty comes from within", and "don't be shallow and look at the outer person".

So, I'm going to play devil's advocate with that theory; if a str8 guy needs to "see the inner beauty of big women and stop being shallow", wouldn't he also need to "see the inner beauty" of other men, and stop being so shallow, if he would ever get hit on by a gay guy?

Why is it shallow and superficial in one instance (weight), to reject someone for their outer exterior, but in the second case of rejecting one's outer exterior (gender), it's not?

Shouldn't all those people who say "beauty comes from within", practice what they preach?

I've noticed that not only on YA!, but many forums, etc, the general consensus seems to be this: you should love someone for who they are on the INSIDE. The outside shouldn't matter. For instance, a guy who's not attracted to heavy women, often times gets slammed for being shallow and superficial.

Let's play devil's advocate with that theory: if it's considered shallow for a guy to reject a fat woman who has a great personality, simply because he's not attracted to her weight, then....

...wouldn't that mean it's shallow for a straight person to reject a gay person with a great personality? or a gay man who rejects a woman with a great personality?

Curious what others think.

I've noticed that on YA!, many people say am romantic relationship should be based on what's on the inside...and NOT what's on the outside -- this most commonly pertains to weight (skinny person rejecting a fat person, etc). The general consensus seems to be that if you do factor in looks, then you're shallow.

Okay...let's play devil's advocate with that theory: so...if it's considered shallow for a skinny person to reject a fat person strictly because of how they look, wouldn't that mean that a str8 person who rejects a gay person, is shallow? Or a gay man who rejects a woman is also shallow?

Curious what people think.

This whole Tiger Woods thing has got me thinking: I don't think he's necessarily a bad person -- just a human being who made a mistake. One of my exes is someone who cheated on me. First, I was devastated and angry.

Long story short: this person is now one of my closest friends, and I have nothing but good things to say about them. In the years since this happened, they have really been there for me as a friend - far surpassing my expectations.

I think how the cheater handles the infidelity, determines whether or not they're a bad person: are they genuinely sorry and try to make amends...or do they rationlize it and blame the person they cheated on?

What do you think?

This whole Tiger Woods thing has got me thinking: I don't think he's necessarily a bad person -- just a human being who made a mistake. One of my exes is someone who cheated on me. First, I was devastated and angry.

Long story short: this person is now one of my closest friends, and I have nothing but good things to say about them. In the years since this happened, they have really been there for me as a friend - far surpassing my expectations.

I think how the cheater handles the infidelity, determines whether or not they're a bad person: are they genuinely sorry and try to make amends...or do they rationlize it and blame the person they cheated on?

What do you think?

This whole Tiger Woods thing has got me thinking: I don't think he's necessarily a bad person -- just a human being who made a mistake. One of my exes is someone who cheated on me. First, I was devastated and angry.

Long story short: this person is now one of my closest friends, and I have nothing but good things to say about them. In the years since this happened, they have really been there for me as a friend - far surpassing my expectations.

I think how the cheater handles the infidelity, determines whether or not they're a bad person: are they genuinely sorry and try to make amends...or do they rationlize it and blame the person they cheated on?

What do you think?

Often times, when a celeb gets divorced, or is found cheating on their spouse, people online launch an attack on Hollywood celebrities in general -- that they're somehow stranger than those of us in the real world, because many of them have a high divorce and infidelity rate.

My question is...why do people criticize them and make it seem like they're stranger than the rest of us? The divorce rate for ALL married couples in this country, is around 50%.

It seems a little unfair when a celeb is caught cheating or gets divorced, and people say "that's just the way those weirdos in Hollywood are", when infidelity and divorce are something that plague all of society.

Often times, when a celeb gets divorced, or is found cheating on their spouse, people online launch an attack on Hollywood celebrities in general -- that they're somehow stranger than those of us in the real world, because many of them have a high divorce and infidelity rate.

My question is...why do people criticize them and make it seem like they're stranger than the rest of us? The divorce rate for ALL married couples in this country, is around 50%.

It seems a little unfair when a celeb is caught cheating or gets divorced, and people say "that's just the way those weirdos in Hollywood are", when infidelity and divorce are something that plague all of society.

Often times, when a celeb gets divorced, or is found cheating on their spouse, people online launch an attack on Hollywood celebrities in general -- that they're somehow stranger than those of us in the real world, because many of them have a high divorce and infidelity rate.

My question is...why do people criticize them and make it seem like they're stranger than the rest of us? The divorce rate for ALL married couples in this country, is around 50%.

It seems a little unfair when a celeb is caught cheating or gets divorced, and people say "that's just the way those weirdos in Hollywood are", when infidelity and divorce are something that plague all of society.

Often times, when a thin person rejects an overweight person, they get heat for it -- they're "not seeing the person's inner beauty", or they're "basing a relationship on looks". The implication is that there' something wrong with the thin person, for not being attracted to the fat person.

Okay, I'm gay. I would NEVER call a straight guy shallow for not being attracted to me. If you're straight, you're straight, and I respect that. End of discussion. Conversely, most women who've hit on me, once they find out I'm gay, respect that, and leave it at that. If I ever called a straight guy shallow for not being attracted to me, I would expect to be laughed off the face of the earth. Not only is it laughable, but it's insulting to the straight guy in question. However...some (keyword here: some), overweight people give thin people a hard time, for not being attracted to them. I just want to know why.

If we all have sexual preferences in regards to gender, and that's perfectly acceptable, then why is it UNacceptable to have a preference in regards to weight? Why is it OK to have a preference for gender, but a preference for weight is looked down upon?

First, I want to say I have nothing against anyone. I'm genuinely curious. :) I've lived in Louisiana for 7 years, and really enjoy exercising, and trying to take care of myself -- especially since my family is genetically prone to certain health conditions.

Anyway, many of my friends and acquaintances are on the heavy side. Never really thought about it until recently -- when people began to comment that I'm "too skinny", etc. I get that A LOT, even though I'm the same weight I've always been, and my doctor says my weight is fine.

I get the sense that many of these people think it's normal to be really fat. I've never commented on their weight, and don't plan on ever doing it, but I'm genuinely curious: when did being obese become the norm?

Thanks!

I created a page for my small biz. Now when I log into FB, I can't find it.

Please help.

Would it likely be instant, with no pain?

In many of the responses to various dating questions, a lot of people say "looks don't matter to me at all. it's all about the personality".

Fair enough, but...

I'm gay, therefore I'm going to eliminate females from my prospective list of dates -- based of course, on how they look. A straight person is going to do the same to members of the same sex.

If looks REALLY don't matter, and it's all about the personality, then why do we even have sexual orientations in the first place?

Look at these three examples.

1)Gay guy politely rejects a female, whom he cliques with extremely well. Regardless of how great her personality is, he politely rejects her romantically, because he’s not attracted to her looks = nothing wrong with his actions.

2)Straight guy does the same thing to a gay guy = nothing wrong with his actions.

3)Person (gay or straight), rejects an obese person, whom they also clique with – but in this case, their actions are called shallow, and they’re accused of judging a person because of what’s on the outside, and not “the inside that counts”.

If person number 3's actions are considered so shallow...then wouldn’t, that make persons number 1 and 2 shallow as well? Why the double standard? The point I’m trying to make, is that people are attracted to different things. A straight guy who’s not attracted to other men, wouldn’t be called shallow. But yet, a straight guy who’s not attracted to say, an obese women, IS called shallow. Why?

Look at these three examples. In the first two examples, it's behavior which is perfectly acceptable. In the third, it's considered "shallow". Why is that? (scratches head)....

1)Gay guy politely rejects a female. Regardless of what she has on the inside, he's just not attracted to her looks = nothing wrong with his actions.

2)Straight guy politely rejects a gay guy = nothing wrong with his actions.

3)Person (gay or straight), rejects an obese person = shallow, and judging the person based on looks, instead of what's on the inside.

If person number 3's actions are considered so shallow...then wouldnt (at least by using that "it's all about the inside that counts argument"), that make persons number 1 and 2 shallow as well?

First, I have nothing against anyone, regardless of what they look like. But I've noticed a weird trend, not only on YA!, but elsewhere: if someone doesn't find an overweight person attractive, they're labeled shallow. My question: why?

Of course, personality is very important, but for any relationship, personality AND a level of physical attraction are almost certainly needed.

I work out and take very good care of myself. But like anyone else, not everyone is going to be attracted to me. If I hit on someone and they politely say no, then I don't take it personally. If I don't get their motor running, then it's no sweat -- I wish them the best, and hope they find someone out there that does. Certainly don't call them shallow, simply because I'm, not their type.

Anyway, back to my question: why do some overweight people label you shallow, if you're not attracted to them? The way I see it, people are attracted to different things: gay, straight, bi, male, female, black, white...etc etc...people just have different preferences, that's all.

First, I'm not a shallow, self-absorbed person. As we all know, many people out there are struggling to lose weight. They work hard to shed the pounds, not only so they'll feel great, but also so they'll look great. Nothing wrong with that, right?

For years, I struggled with my weight too, except that I was on the opposite side of the struggle -- skinny. Since I quit smoking two years ago, and started working out, I've felt the best I've ever felt in my life.

But...I just have a simple question: should I stop working out and be satisfied, or should I continue on? I'm always going to "work out" in terms of cardio (I run 40+ miles a week), but I'm wondering if "working out" in terms of building muscle, working the abs, etc should stop, or keep going. I just don't want to get to the point like some bodybuilders do: too much muscle, veins popping out, etc. I want to look fit, but also still have a natural look about me.

Thanks for your opinions, and best of luck to those out there struggling with their weight! :)

My pic: http://i121.photobucket.com/albums/o222/Vertigo51/...