Leo

God created the dog and said:

'Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.'

The dog said: 'That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?'

So God agreed.

Then God created the monkey and said:

'Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span.'

The monkey said: 'Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?'

And God agreed.

Then God created the cow and said:

'You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.'

The cow said: 'That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty?'

And God agreed again.

Thereafter God created humans and said:

'Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years.'

But the human said: 'Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?'

'Okay,' said God, 'You asked for it.'

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

...realise we're both in over $13trillion worth of debt, can we begin to get over this 'who is better bs'?

After all, it seems we're both sh!t when compared to the Chinese and other eastern countries.

...does this mean I can stop paying my taxes whilst they're off?

Also, why do they think they will receive support from the general public, most of whom are employed in the Private Sector? -- The Private Sector being the sector where, on average, people earn less and pensions aren't protected.

Is it wise to go on strike during periods of record-high unemployment, where there is a huge que of people waiting for a job?

...Barack O'Bama, to emphasise his Irish heritage?

Surely this will get him some more Irish-American votes come the next campaign.

...when the majority of you have a very poor understanding of the alternative arguments out there?

Do you honestly believe that your uneducated reasoning, as well as your copy and pasted Biblical quotations, is going to convince the masses to abandon their own beliefs in favour of yours?

It's apparent that this "spreading of God's word" is a self-sanctimonious action, which is only useful in reaffirming your own beliefs, whilst at the same time, irritating everybody else.

...little Catholic choirboys steal your weed for your "own good"?

...it is his second appearance?

They actually showed him the first time!

..."Drug Free America" is sponsored by alcohol companies, whilst the Declaration of Independence is written on hemp?

I guess the most profitable option will always be the legal option.

...a theist, or non-theist, asks a question about a scripture in the Bible, to which they receive a mass amount of replies from Christians, all of which have completely different interpretations of the scripture? From the philosophical, to the brainwashed rhetorical -- none can agree!

It seems a little ironic that they wish to apply an absolute truth to this world, yet they can't quite seem to agree on the details of what that truth should be.

* in the most spiritual of ways.

http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/religion/imag...

Just your thoughts and opinions.

It seems to be the most popular analogy used by creationists as a philosophical argument to "prove" the existence of God. It goes a little like this;

"Every watch requires a watchmaker"

The analogy is simple; God is the watchmaker, we are the watch.

However, I've always been told that the watchmaker isn't here through evolution, but through creation.

Which leads me to my question; who created the creator?

*Is it as I suspect, even creationist analogies don't make sense?

...what makes Jesus so special? ;)

I'm a little worried about hell.

According to the "saved" Christians on here, it seems hell is receiving a tremendous number of occupants due to our unwillingness to accept Jesus as our merciful saviour.

What with the increase in demand, I'm a little worried that house prices in the eternal fires will be a little out of my reach. I'm also a little uneasy about the running costs of the air-conditioning.

So, what financial plans to you have in place for your eternal stay in hell? Will satan offer us a decent exchange on the mortgage?

Ok, so my dearest associate Corky Thatcher, who you may know for good or for worse, appears to be having some psychological trauma following earlier events in his life. After sending me this message I tried to help, but I fear such a delicate issue is beyond my capabilities. Any suggestions?

"You're the idiot. Choke on seminal fluid. Gag on it. I hope your son is molested"

Response:

Dear Corky,

Thank you for your message, it is nice to know that my words have cut you so deep. Your exotic use of masculine domination is indeed a little perverse and worrying. I can't help but think that it is a deep psychological fantasy; indeed I notice your avatar picture is that of a man and a young boy, something which goes further to confirm my suspicions. Can I ask whether you suffered at the hands of a male during your youth? Maybe that of a male close to home? It is common for somebody who suffered these events to carry that of an innate psychological problem into latter life; I implore you to seek medical help with this issue as you can be "normal" once again.

All the best for your future recovery. Feel free to email me if ever you feel down or depressed, I can't claim to actually give a s**t but it does entertain me somewhat.

Regards,

Leo