nine_iron76

Abdullah is projected 3 points higher on one website but Gordon is 4 points higher on another.

A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary.

they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, 'Look, he's moving!'"

You need 5 pennies.

Lay the 1st down heads up. Do you smell anything? Its a cent (scent).

Lay the 2nd down heads up. Do you see any fruit? Its a pair (pear).

Lay the 3rd down heads up. Do you see any snakes? There are 3 copper heads.

Lay the 4th down heads up. Do you see any cars? There are 4 lincolns.

Lay the 5th down heads up. Do you see any sex? Well what do you expect for 5 cents.

He works it out with a pencil.

One of them is carrying a big bag labeled, "chickens."

"Chickens, eh?" says one guy. "Hey, if I guess how many chickens you got, will you give me one?"

"Heck," says the guy with the bag, "iffin you guess right, I'll give you both of 'em."

The other scratches his head and guesses, "Um... five?"

and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid. When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."

The mother: "What did you name her?!?"

Brother: "Denise!"

The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"

Brother: "The second one was a boy."

The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"

Brother: "Denephew."

They don't like looking down on the unemployed.

A fish in a stream sees a fly above the water and thinks when that fly drops 6 inches I will jump out of the water and eat the fly.

A bear sees the fish and thinks when the fly drops 6 inches the fish will jump and I will catch the fish.

A hunter across the stream thinks when the fish jumps to get the fly the bear will catch the fish and I will shoot the bear.

A mouse sees a piece of cheese the hunter has and thinks when the fish jumps the bear will catch it, the hunter will shoot and drop the cheese and I will get the cheese.

A cat sees the mouse and thinks when the fish jumps the bear will catch it, the hunter will shoot and drop the cheese, the mouse will go after the cheese and I will get the mouse.

So, the fly dropped 6 inches, the fish jumped to eat the fly, the bear grabbed the fish, the hunter shot and dropped the cheese, the mouse ran after the cheese, the cat jumped at the mouse, the mouse ducked and the cat fell in the stream.

Whats the moral of the story?