DraconisZero

Every time I've tried going out there and doing something he gets in the way and thwarts it somehow or someway. I have a seasonal job coming up and as usual he does something that jeopardizes me from being able to go to that job. Another problem is college. The rep wanted to talk to him but he says I don't want to talk right now and would rather just look at the stuff on my own. Isn't the point of a rep just that telling you about the school and everything else? There's been plenty of times I've wanted to call the police on him because I'm sick of this crap. This is mental abuse!! He is being way too overprotective and I'm also getting sick of that. I told him I have to make my own mistakes in life and experience it just like everyone else. He is suppose to be there to help me not hinder my ability to do what I want to do. Then he goes off and says I don't respect him? Really?! I have done everything he asks of me I don't know how that is disrespectful. It's never enough for him. He's an emotional vampire who blocks everybody's attempts at being happy except for himself and my mother. I've been stuck under anxiety and fear my entire life (22 now) under his roof and I'm getting really really sick of it. There's been points where I would rather sleep the entire day instead having to deal with this crap. I pray to God to help and guide me and I think I just need to move out. I had enough to deal with in school and am getting over that only to have this come up. I'm trying to keep my spirits up but it just seems like that isn't possible.

I've been treated my entire life with mental abuse from certain people in my family. What happened to them they have for years been putting on me and I'm sick of it... No matter what I do or how much I pray I just can't get out of this crap. I'm seriously to the point now that I barely want to eat and I don't want to get out of bed. Nothing is interesting anymore to me. I used to love to write and play video games but now even that is boring me. I feel abandoned, insecure, insignificant, inadequate, helpless, worthless, etc. All I've ever known my entire life is sorrow and pain... I've tried staying positive, I've tried keeping my mind on what God wants for me but I never see anything changing and when something does change it ends up just going right back to how it was before... Bullied all through school to add to it as well. What the hell is wrong with me to have all this crap happen?

Can't go to the doctor because they are asking for way too much money. There are no free help centers where I am living and any close-by are in a different county so you aren't allowed to go to them.

You know what I give up. **** this. It's quiet obvious I'm not meant to be happy or get away from this stuff so, I'm done... I'm just going to lay in bed all day and pray it ends or the end comes to this Earth. I'm tired of trying for so long to never have anything work out. Been trying since I was thirteen and dealing with all this crap...

22 now with no future and I quiet honestly don't care for one either. Don't care for a future with myself or with anybody else. What's the point when all that is going to happen is negative in your life? Nobody wants to continuously deal with that kind of crap so I'm opting out. Not doing suicide but like I said I'm done with it all. Just going to lay here from now on....

I know people are going to feed the find a hobby crap or whatever else but you don't understand. I don't ******* care anymore. Nothing is appeasing or anything I want.. I wouldn't be surprised if I've been marked as one that bad things happen to all the time. Seems to run in my family a lot....

What's the point anymore about anything? Nothing is enjoyable anymore. Everything I've ever liked is dull and bland. Every time something starts to work out it all goes to hell and ***** up at some later point. I'm trying to stay positive about things but it's getting to a point where even that isn't working anymore. I pray every night for help, I try to change things but no it doesn't work it's like a wall is always keeping me back. Every time I get to a point of breaking through that wall it ends up reinforcing itself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why does everything seem to screw up and not work out? I've been determined to the point of exhaustion on things and still it doesn't work out. I guess I'm just not worthy of experiencing life like you should... Barely, even got a job which isn't even over two weeks in length (seasonal job), never had a girlfriend or anybody who cared for that matter (even with God and Jesus I feel alone. I have asked for Jesus to enter my heart, I have done the "Our father in heaven prayer. I do it every night. I personally pray as well. I've been doing it for as long as I can remember but I wasn't baptized until 2009. I guide people to the Lord to help them but I feel like I have no help given to me in return...) I've went out and tried going to college but no something always gets in the way and screws me over let it be money, people, situations, whatever.

Some of you will say it's in the Lord's time. I know because I've gone over that in my head many times but I've been suffering since the start of Junior High.... I deal with ADD/ADHD (a mix) and can't get any help for it because I don't have the money to pay for the medicine or the doctor visits for that matter. Maybe, it's better if I just died then I wouldn't be such a burden and problem to everyone around me and other people could use the resources for themselves.... No I'M NOT GOING TO COMMIT SUICIDE!! I'm strongly against it unless there is a very very very strong reason for doing it (Saving someone's life but costing your own, etc).

Nothing interests me anymore and really I don't care anymore. No use in trying to carry on when no matter what you do everything screws up. No point in getting back up.... I'm going to a doctor that luckily doesn't have you pay much, I'm going to a councilor and still.....

I don't want a belief war so please keep that stuff to yourself please.

I went ahead and decided to get my blood tested the full metabolic workup. I'm wondering if these results should warrant any problems because I don't see my doctor until the end of the month and I'm hopefully trying to find someone on here who knows this stuff. I've looked it up but it's really sketchy and hard to follow. Here is my results.

WBC 4.9 range 4.8-10.8 10^3uL

RBC 5.44 range 4.7-6.10 10^6

Hemoglobin 16.7 range 14.0-18.0 g/dl

Hematocrit 50 range 42-52 %

MCV 92 77-104 FL

MCH 31 27-34 PG

MCHC 33 31-37 g/dl

RDW 13 11-16 %

Platelet 218 130-400 10^3uL

this one is a little faded but I think it says MRV 9 6-11 FL

completely faded but it ends with trophils 58.6 44-80%

Lymphocytes 30 14-45%

monocytes 7.7 4-12%

Eosinophils 3.0 H (H stands for High) .9-2.9%

Basophils .7 0-2%

neutrophil 2.9 2.2-4.8 10^3/u

lymphocyte 1.5 1.3-2.9 10^3/u

monocyte .4 .3- .8 10^3/u

Eosinophil .1 0-.2 10^3/u

Basophil 0 0-.1 10^3/u

Sodium 140 136-145 mmol/L

Potassium 4.2 3.5-5.1 mmol/L

Chloride 102 98-107 mmol/L

CO2 28 22-28 mmol/L

Glucose 94 70-105 mg/dL

BUN 13 7-18 mg/dL

Creatinine 1.15 .44-1.24 mg/dL

Calcium 10.1 8.4-10.2 mg/dL

Total Protein 8.3 6-8.3 G/dL

Albumin 4.5 3.5-5 g/dL

SGPT 12 10-40 IU/L

ALK PHOS 71 32-92 IU/L

Free T4 1.03 .58-1.64 ng/mL

T Bilirubin .5 .2-1 mg/dL

Age 22 years

GFR non AA 90 H

TSH 2.19 .34-5.6 uIU/ML

Vit B-12 439 180-914 pg/mL

GFR range

non AA male 59- 134 ml/min/1.73m^2

GFR >=90 Normal or Stage 1 chronic renal disease w/normal GFR

GFR 60-89 Stage 2 chronic renal disease (mild)

GFR 30-59 Stage 3 chronic renal disease (moderate)

GFR 15-29 Stage 4 Chronic renal disease (severe)

GFR >15 Stage 5 kidney failure

Now again I'm 22 years old and a Caucasian male. I do have problems sleeping and have problems with depression. I have a hard time gaining weight (only about 158 pounds and I'm six feet tall. Should be at least 175 or 180.) Does any of this for those who make sense of it deal with any of those problems? I saw something about the thyroid and my mother does have thyroid problems so I'm thinking what if I do as well? Thank you for anyone who can help me with this. If you need to contact me then just let me know in your message and I'll message you as soon as I read your messages.

I don't see a point to living anymore. I've actually got to the point that I barely want to eat or drink anything. Every time I've ever got something good going something else comes along and screws it up. I don't belong here.... I don't feel connected to anything in this world, I don't want anything, I barely want to get up in the morning, nothing interests me, just a flat out worthless person. Kind of hard to want to get up if you have nothing to work for and want nothing at all. I already know anything I've ever wanted is long gone and there isn't any getting it back. Just a waste of space really using up resources someone else could use. Think I'm just going to lay in bed all day and just fade away... About the only decent thing to do.

Don't give yourself a headache if you're deciding to try and help either. It won't do any good. Just seeing everybody else having dreams and ambition to get those dreams hurts me. It hurts me because I know it will be out of my grasp and won't be obtainable for myself. Probably, never will be either... I see my friends move on because they have dreams but not me... I don't think I belong in this time at all. I think I'm suppose to belong somewhere in the distant future like 2700's or something. Before, anybody says anything about God and Jesus I do believe in them and I pray every night. I just don't like myself... There's nothing worth it with me.

There's no saving me and I think it better just for people to forget I ever existed....

Since people always asks these common questions I'm going to post them below.

22

male

Am going to a psychiatrist.

Where I live is terrible for doing anything outside of either being a gamer or farmer.

Doctors here are terrible. Everything they attempt to give you makes things worse.

You can't go outside the county for medical care which just screws me over even more.

Never had a gf.

I hate myself.

Try changing things but never works out.

Oh and I get attacked Constantly by Lucifer in my dreams to add to the rest of this.

Now I'm not on here to start a belief war so keep that to yourself.

I've always had a really deep problem with anxiety ever since I was a kid. It's bad enough where a teacher I remember back in grade school asked me why I worried so much then decided to tell me I would die young (Which I still think today she shouldn't of said that.) Time went by and I could never really fit in with the other kids or have fun as the days went by. I mean I played kickball and stuff but never really felt any fun from it. Then Junior High came.... Ya, the body changes made the situation even worse. Plus, all the bullying I received for no apparent reason to add to the already large anxiety problem didn't help either. Went through school minding my own business all the way through High school still not really caring or wanting to do anything. The thing is with me I can't do things for myself because I feel bad every time I do. I've always been one to help other people even when I was suffering during that time. When I was younger during the 1st and 2nd grade I was as my astrology sign is a Leo full of energy and optimism but over time it completely flipped and now I'm severely depressed, bored, and really see no future. 22 years old never had a gf, Don't care anymore, and probably will never be fixed sadly enough for the people who do know me. :/ There's really way to much to type on here so, I'm going to shorten it.

I've been depressed since early childhood, was bullied a lot, Leo turned opposite, I am seeing a therapist, I am taking medicine but I don't think it helps, Have problems sleeping. (It's to the point that under my eyes is literally turning a light purple which means sleep deprivation.), My family has a history of Diabetes which I might have as well, (I have some of the signs of it.) I think I might also have low T levels even though I'm only 22, and hopefully somebody can give some advice to this. I can't describe how I feel because it's to much...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM8SHmkjq6s the first part of this video. I believe it might even be in the campaign itself in Halo Reach but I just can't remember. Anybody help me find this and possibly a song with just this part?

This, might or might not be a rather long post but I'll try to cover each scenario the best I can so as to not cause any confusion. Have a tendency to post then need to add details. Anyways, this is what is up. I'm just about done with everything. My entire life so far has been nothing but failure, depression, and stress from multiple resources. First, off would be no matter what I do with anything it always fails. I don't think I've ever once had something work out to a satisfactory level. It's really annoying and when things don't work out so many times in a row you just don't care anymore to try and change it.

Let's start with the depression. Ever since late 4th grade I've always been picked on because of something I did which I'm not going to state on here. It still haunts me to this day and I want to get away from it. It always comes back though in some type of form. Another thing is a lot of people disrespect me for no reason. They treat me as if I'm lesser then a human being which I am not nor is anyone else. I haven't done anything to get such aggression's from people.

Nobody ever compliments me when I help them. Why I've decided FTW pretty much. I don't care to be a part of it. Not when everybody treats you like trash for no reason whatsoever. More to it is I'm 22 and never really had a gf. Main reason being is 90% of the girls around here think they're better then you. I hate that. the other 10% is actually decent ones and I'm friends with but they already have boyfriends or see me only as a friend. I'm tired of this. It's a curse. Been one since I was born.

If I tried to even fight back it wouldn't work. I don't have an aggression factor to fight back with. It's been beaten down over the years. Even with some certain people close to me (family) can't tell them off because I live under their roof and have no were to go. Don't care to even try to fix anything anymore because nobody ever tries to help or they give up (95% give up.) Also don't care to try and fix it anymore because low and behold no medical to pay for medicine that could help with the situation. No motivation for anything anymore really. I've thought about just ending it so I won't be a bother to everyone anymore. Nobody cares so why should I?

Stress comes from all of this and there is quiet a lot but it's personal and I would rather not talk about it on a public post. I'm also about ready to snap on everybody and tell them all to f off but I know if I do then it will just make everything worse. This entire post actually isn't even what I wanted it to be. I guess I'll just go lay in bed all day and wither away. Like anybody cares anyway what I do or want to do. Nope they'll always shoot me down any chance they get especially my father. He's the worst of them all and probably the stem of all evil for all of it.

So, I've narrowed it down to about 4 things that are affecting me right now and making me feel worthless and like crap. First off I'm going to say I have depression. It's been going on since the beginning of Junior High School. Part of it was probably because of chemical changes in the brain due to puberty while the other is due to kids bullying me. That's my best bet.

Second, I believe I have AD-HD. Why do I think this? Well I have a hard time concentrating now and I forget things a lot. Used to I remembered things very well but now I don't. I'm also very talkative and talk fast at times to a point people have to ask what I said.

Thirdly, I also believe I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes, I'll be really low and depressed while other times I'll be in mania.

Lastly, I have symptoms of PT-SD as well. The bullying from school left me scarred and I remember a lot of it and it depresses me more. This has been going on for 10/11 years now. I honestly have no idea what to do with myself.

I've gone to a psychiatrist for the past year all most year and a half with no results. All they do is try to talk about things we have already talked about getting me know were. Doesn't help that they keep switching me to different doctors every other month. I honestly believe they're just there for a paycheck and have no idea what they are doing.

It has gone to the point were I don't even care anymore about anything. Forgot to mention I have no job because not only does my area suck for that but these problems have kept me from trying to find one and going to college. The problems even caused me to lose all motivation to try anymore or at least most of it. What little motivation I have left is being directed to fix this crap with no success so far. On top of this I have no girlfriend either nor have I ever had one. It's all just a big bummer.

Well there it is in a nutshell excluding exact details of what happened during school but either way I see little success in this changing. I've tried so many times before to get this fixed but I guess I'm a victim of poor circumstances and just can't get that.

So, that's the problem/s pretty much. Can you help me? Just so you know many have tried but they give up because of all the circumstances surrounding this dilemma.

(Forgot to mention I play video games, work with computers, and a few other things. The place where I live sucks and the surrounding area sucks as well. I've given up pretty much a lot in even trying to fix this.)

Ok I downloaded the beta with my key and it worked fine all day but now every time I get in to a game it kicks me then says, "Ubisoft servers are unavailable at this time. Please try later." The thing is my friend is fine. Any help on this? I tried the website but there was nothing on it...

Ok well I went to my friends's sister's wedding a couple days ago. Well after the ceremony of course we went to the reception. My friends and I where at the bar. They where drinking I don't. Anyways, I took a fancy to the bartender girl. After some conversation I got her number. Now I've looked this up and they are not suppose to do that because it could potential drive off a customer. Not the point of this though.

Here is my situation. I live in a town about 40 miles from the capital which is the town my friend and she lives in. I don't have a job right now because there is literally none in my town to get. My car isn't insured and has expired plates. My parents already said no to giving me money to go out on a date with her. I was going to call her Tuesday to set something up but all this other crap just has to be in the way.

I honestly don't know what to do. My dad is a stickler for money but my mom isn't so bad about it. I already have something planned for where we can go.

I guess my question is what should I do? I will add details as people post.

Extra details-

She is the manager as well.

Ok hi I've posted here before but this situation is completely different. Ok So, I've been typing some stories in the Saints Row universe lately. Well eventually this girl (let's just call her L) starts replying to them. Well after a while I started to become attracted to L her personality. Looks aren't much a thing with me. Anyways, with some help from some friends on there I asked her out.

(bad idea barely knew anything about her lol.) Before that she seemed very flirtatious with me and I said she was nice. She replied I was nice as well but she just wasn't up for it. Now here's my problem. (Yes, I know asking a girl out on the internet is a little creepy. She even said that but then said it was ok.) MY problem is the way she types is very flirtatious even after what I said that and she still sticks around. On top of that she is showing a lot of signs that she likes me. Got most of that from this website http://livingwithballs.com/instant-message-flirtin... she does every one of those. I'm so confused though right now. Did she turn me down or is she playing hard to get or maybe she just isn't ready for another relationship so soon? She broke up with her boyfriend. Didn't say when. I need more info.

More enough.

She gave me her email.

She's went out of her way to find info I needed for the story.

So ask.com members what exactly is going on here?

(Hopefully she doesn't use this website lol or I will probably be friend zoned....again...)

For over a month now numbers in the same sequence have been popping up a lot for me. The most prominent being 111 and 1111. Nothing in this world is a coincidence everything happens for a reason. My belief on it. I looked this up on google but had mixed answers on what it could mean. These two aren't the only ones that pop up either. Sometimes I get 666 or 222 or 333.

It is really random but keeps popping up. The past two days I have woken up at 11:11 am which is really weird for me because i usually get up around 9am. Anybody have any idea what is going on? Like I said earlier nothing just happens. Everything happens for a reason. Just a Side-note same thing happens with storms. I always wake up before a storm or pressure change.

I'm not motivated at all anymore. I'm on Lexapro and abilify for depression but I still don't feel like doing anything out of the ordinary for myself. I want to go to college for a degree in computer's but I can't bring myself to do it. Some deep rooted fear of failing I believe is what is causing this. I used to fail a lot when I tried things and it just kept driving me down. I'm now all most 21 and still can't bring myself to become motivated enough to do what I want in life. Never had a gf because of this fail problem. I used to always win or not fail but I just don't know what happened to me

Somebody please help me with this. I'm going to a psychiatrist right now to deal with my depression but I think it's not the main cause of my problems.

Ok well I need help. I want to be able to do this willingly every night I go to bed. Usually right before I wake up i get a half lucid dream. I've started a dream journal to see if this will help me become fully aware in my dreams. Can anybody else give me any tips on how I could make this happen? I want to be able to control my dreams whenever I sleep.

OK so my friend goes through new wave communications. he has the highest package they offer plus the gamer package as well yet he gets constant lag in video games. It's cable internet and the ISP say you can't forward ports because it's suppose to do it automatically. I don't believe this garbage. If this where true it would not lag for him. Their technical support is not very good and all they do is send a tech out who tells you it's fine. He's replaced the modem twice now with no difference. I would go over and port forward it myself but his dad has forbidden anybody except for himself and the ISP to mess with it. So, anybody know a fix to this? My friend is getting 20 some mbps download and 4-5 mbps upload? The upload/download is more then enough to handle xbox live. I think it has to be the ports but seems like when you change them it messes everything up.

well i have really crappy luck with the ladies. they tend to see me more as a friend then a boyfriend. i know what it is just have a hard time fixing it. i don't have that instinct to give the sense of protection nor do i have that will to move towards doing something with my life . it's always been like this. i don't know if it's because i never had any challenges during school (i could easily get straight A's but it bored me so i just halfassed everything) or if it was because of bullying. Maybe it was a mixture of a bit of everything. The motivation is gone. i'm lost right now if anybody can help thank you.

Ok so, i finally found out after 4-5 years that i suffer from involuntary celibacy. I've checked it over and over and nothing else is even close to what it describes. I'm an advanced case because it causes depression and a lot of other symptoms which i have after a long time (6 months or more.) here's a link if you don't know what IC is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Involuntary_celibacy. Any idea how i can cope with this or get rid of it all together?

Ok so, my dad puts me down a lot. He criticizes me without even knowing it. I'm a computer guy and he's a mechanic guy. I want to go for a job in computer networking but my self-esteem has been hit so many times by the arguments we have that i've lost all ambition to even start college. He doesn't like my hobbies at all (mostly gaming and when i can fixing networks for friends or family.) I've told him it's what i'm good at and what I do and that i don't bash him for what he does. He just tells me what he does is practical and what i do isn't. We always argue over simple conversations let it be about how something should work or how we can make something work better. I always look for alternatives (open-minded) and better ways of setting things up. I think he's just a straight-minded person who goes with what works (close-minded). Personally my opinion about this is he wants me to follow what he does when i don't want to. I try helping him get things done faster and better then before but he tells me off and says i don't need help even though i know what he is dealing with i could help him finish so he can have free time. He tells me i'm stubborn when in actuality i believe he is relaying his own thoughts. He always had to work hard to survive as a kid and i think that is where it stems from. He never had any help with things and his mother gave him to my great uncle because she couldn't take care of him. He's told me his uncle was not very kind. Should i ask him about maybe taking him to counsiling so i can sort this out between him, me, and his past?

I need some songs for a machinima i'm doing about zombies. I need one that starts out slow and then gets really hectic as the zombies attack. I also need one that is a slow beat like a underlay that builds tension. I already have in the house in a heartbeat. Does anybody else have any good ones?